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39 posts total
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 I bet my girlfriend that this picture of our cats could get 10 billion boosts on Mastodon. She said she doesn't believe me. She said there's only 15 million accounts on Mastodon. She said there aren't even 10 billion people on Earth. She said it concerns her that I struggle to comprehend large numbers. Let's prove her wrong everyone. Boost away and show her just how awesome the Mastodon community is.  Trying to find people I relate to on Mastodon. Please boost if you: -don't believe in the Pythagorean theorem. -once saw a psychic who told you that you will die at an all you can eat buffet. -think that cops should give you one chance to rock, paper, scissors your way out of a speeding ticket. -microdose bananas to keep your potassium levels stable. -constantly say sorry whenever you're walking just in case you bump into a ghost.
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 We live in a world where half think the earth is flat, while the other half think space is. 😔 > think that cops should give you one chance to rock, paper, scissors your way out of a speeding ticket. Maybe not that, but they should definitely let you off with a warning if you've got some niche things in common. Looking at you, officer who wrote me a ticket then tried to bond with me over my Dead Can Dance bumper sticker. Stop accusing me of being a Russian asset just because I posted that Vladimir Putin is a tall and handsome man. Yes, I was paid $100,000 but the money came in AMERICAN dollars. Yes, they told me that I was doing Mother Russia a great service but the emails were in ENGLISH. I am the victim here.
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  Every study ever: Overworked employees are less productive. Employees who work from home are just as productive as employees who work in the office. The evidence is indisputable. Managers: I see. But I have a hunch that the complete opposite is true.
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 @lowqualityfacts > working from home
it's not that simple. some people really can't be trusted to work from home. some people have insane discipline and can tony stark the whole project from a cave. there are actual reasons to work in an office but the managers don't make use of those so its somewhat irrelevant though :gutkato_pensas: @lowqualityfacts manager, or ceo "i'm smarter than science, because my car much more expensive than scientists have"  @lowqualityfacts @jtrobec “we’re a data driven company unless the data says something we disagree with” @lowqualityfacts Sparks wrote a song about this, but it finished after the first chorus. Welcome to Mastodon! It's a laid back place. But here's a few simple rules you must follow: 1. Never assume that a user is human. This can be very offensive to non-humans. 2. Do not make jokes about peanut allergies, anything that could be deemed a hobby, or anyone who passed away more recently than the year 1300. 3. Always use the hashtag #notascam. Otherwise, we will assume you are swindling us. 4. Tell three of your friends to join. Yes, it's a pyramid scheme.
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@lowqualityfacts seems fair. You forgot to collect a credit card number, expiration date, and cvv to receive blue verification checkmark though
  @lowqualityfacts always use content warnings for pictures of pets, especially if they are looking at the camera. Not everyone has pets or eyes. Still trying to find my people on Mastodon. Please boost if you: -Like ice cream. -Enjoy reading books. -Have recurring dreams that you are a frog. -Feel distraught when you wake up and realize that you are in fact not a frog. -Spend your days studying ancient texts in search of a forbidden incantation that transforms humans into amphibians.
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@lowqualityfacts So many questions: - How many items are required for a boost / being your people? I've received a few requests for more cat pictures, so here's Fishy being a chubby little gnome.
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 @lowqualityfacts Fishy looks a bit like they're a bit done with your s**t 😝 Still, lovely looking cat, which I assume is only on picture, because otherwise it's a menace, right?
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@lowqualityfacts  Dear Low Quality Facts at mstdn social: By you publicly disclosing that people should walk like crabs in order to prevent skeletal mobility impairments. You are putting in jeopardy all Chiropractors who make their living dishonestly by telling their patients to walk upright. All chiropractors will immediately go out of business once the people start walking like crabs. Sincerely, Monica Andrews, Editor-in-chief, #FreePeoplesFreePress News People on Mastodon: I don't get why more people don't join the platform. We are very relatable. Top post on Mastodon: If you spend 72 hours reprogramming the 1982 Commodore 64 computer using a long-forgotten latin coding language, you can make it display a pop-up window that you would typically only see on the original 1984 Apple Macintosh. Go ahead and try it for yourself.
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 @lowqualityfacts Maybe it's also got something to do with some folks calling people worse than Hitler for not adding image descriptions or content warnings. Maybe. @lowqualityfacts still beats the piss out of having to see so MUCH right wing propaganda on that dumpster fire twitter.  Trying my hardest to make more friends on here. Please boost to help me socialize. My hobbies include: -putting snakes in my neighbor's mailbox to help him overcome his fear of finding a snake in his mailbox. -learning Russian so I can write authentic Crime and Punishment fan fiction. -editing Matt Damon's Wikipedia page to state that Matt Damon was responsible for preventing Y2K. -trying to get unbanned from Wikipedia.
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@lowqualityfacts Rest assured, you are one of my favourite people on this site  @lowqualityfacts I want to thank you for helping me get over my fear of Matt Damon by having him jump out of my PO box at the Post Office.  Twitter will soon introduce an auto-harrass feature, so you can save time by automating your harassment of those who post woke (compassionate, empathetic, etc.) content.
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 @lowqualityfacts it’s nearly a months later and I am still blocking Nazis and Collaborators when I go on there . @lowqualityfacts Things I have been told to do on Mastodon: -follow more people -follow less people -put content warnings on anything related to politics -put content warnings on anything related to dogs (seriously) -use alt text to translate my posts into French -delete my Patreon because I don't deserve to make money -sell merch with my facts on them because I deserve to make more money -stop doing satire because it is enabling fascism and will get Trump reelected Moral of the story: I have no idea.
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   @lowqualityfacts@mstdn.social Don't use Mastodon + stay away from large Mastodon communities = have fun with cool people  @lowqualityfacts  July was the hottest month on record. So here's some tips on how to stay safe in the heat: -Do not look directly at the sun. The sun interprets this as a challenge, and will become hotter to assert dominance. -Cover your body in slugs. Each slug will lower your body temperature by a third of a degree. -Crawl around on all fours instead of walking. Heat rises, so you want to stay as low as possible. -Remove the various tubs of ice cream from your freezer to make room for yourself.
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 @lowqualityfacts I will let myself burn up in the sun before I let my supply of ice cream melt, but thanks for the tips! Super helpful! You may eat some of those ice cream tubs in order to make space. That way, you have space and you ate some ice cream, which are both good things. It is quite possible that you won’t be able to eat all the ice cream you need to displace to make room for yourself. In that event, think of some recipes that require warm, or, preferably, cooked ice cream, so you can boil away those pesky micro-organisms. 1 People greatly underestimate the value of libraries in our society. Here's some FREE things you can do at any library: -Write your greatest enemy an anonymous letter, claiming to have hidden money in a local library book. -Disguise yourself as a librarian, and offer to help your greatest enemy find the book they seek. -Murder your greatest enemy in a secluded corner where no witnesses will be present. -Hide the body behind the shelf of Guy Fieri cookbooks, where it will never be found. Everyone: Hello, we would like society to improve. Billionaires: Too bad, go scream into the void instead. Everyone: Okay. Billionaires: Also, we have bought all the voids. It now costs $100 to scream into the void.
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 @lowqualityfacts 12
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Gregory's Server
@lowqualityfacts … Those appear to be cats. You should post pictures of dogs or perhaps echidnas, to get cat pic boosts.
@lowqualityfacts She's forgetting that cats can have accounts too.
Low quality fact: The number of people + number of cats + other random species that are cat fans is greater than 10 billion.
@lowqualityfacts @0tracas #HappyCaturday