 July was the hottest month on record. So here's some tips on how to stay safe in the heat: -Do not look directly at the sun. The sun interprets this as a challenge, and will become hotter to assert dominance. -Cover your body in slugs. Each slug will lower your body temperature by a third of a degree. -Crawl around on all fours instead of walking. Heat rises, so you want to stay as low as possible. -Remove the various tubs of ice cream from your freezer to make room for yourself. 36 comments
@lowqualityfacts Do I have to eat all the tubs of the ice cream before making room for me? @fmhilton @lowqualityfacts eating a couple will work, as long as they are small ones. Then you should have lots of room. @lowqualityfacts Need advice asap. The slugs on my body froze over while i crawled into the freezer.    @urbautz @lowqualityfacts @lowqualityfacts @FiStitchWitch glue cpu heat sinks to your arms and legs, be careful to ensure they point outwards to avoid chafing!  @MaJ1 @lowqualityfacts @FiStitchWitch Think you're gonna need thermal paste and fans. Good luck with your start-up ๐   @lowqualityfacts @lowqualityfacts Did you know that the sun is actually just a myth fabricated by a brittish tabloid whose sole purpose is to sell more doomsday magazines? I have not looked at the sky to confirm this but it must be true since I just made that up and I'm apretty credible source for myself.   @lowqualityfacts Fake News! Everybody knows that it actually is leeches that lower your body temperature! This is because the leeches suck the blood from you and fewer red blood cells carrying less oxygenated blood through your body would make you colder! Don't listen to the Major Left-wing media about this, because they are all just shills for Big Slug! #conspiracy #stayinformed @lowqualityfacts @lisamelton To emphasise point 1, you may need to chant at the sun โYou are the sun? You are the sun? I AM THE ONE WHO SHINESโ Accidentally starts a self-help movement.  @lowqualityfacts @lowqualityfacts pls help i have been attacked by 1675 slugs and now my body temp is below absolute zero! โ๏ธ Ladies, please take note of point two! ๐คฃ   Instructions unclear, now i have tubs of frozen slugs, and i'm covered in ice cream.. @lowqualityfacts I dunno, covering his body in slugs didn't exactly work out all that great for Leto II. I mean, sure, he became God Emperor and ruled for centuries, but at what cost? I'll just stick to wrapping my head in a wet towel covered in ice cubes.  @lowqualityfacts I will let myself burn up in the sun before I let my supply of ice cream melt, but thanks for the tips! Super helpful! You may eat some of those ice cream tubs in order to make space. That way, you have space and you ate some ice cream, which are both good things. It is quite possible that you wonโt be able to eat all the ice cream you need to displace to make room for yourself. In that event, think of some recipes that require warm, or, preferably, cooked ice cream, so you can boil away those pesky micro-organisms. 1 |
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@lowqualityfacts I did look at my deep freezer the other day and think "reverse hot tub." I feel seen. Thank you.