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Another Angry Woman

clown in heat

disastertarper You know as a former clown breeder | do have to say that breeding clowns isn't as easy as selecting your male and your female and putting them in the same enclosure. First, you have to make sure your female s ready to mate. Ifyou put a male and a female together when the female is not ready, you're going to waste time, effort, and supplies. Really, check your clowns for readiness to breed! Each breed of clown is ready to mate at different intervals (as little as 14 day cycles to as long as 3 years), so it’s probably best to do your research on your clown’s schedule. It's fairly easy to decipher if she’s ready, once you've gotten down the basics of what clown readiness looks like. [photo of a woman clown in a spotted dress with striped tights]
This female is not ready to breed. Her natural markings are still very bright and colorful, and her “fleshy” tones only really extend on her hands and somewhat on her face. An inexperienced clown breeder might consider this clown ‘ready’ because she’s getting rather mono- chromatic with her markings on her legs and arms, but this should never be mistaken for the fleshy tone that signals a female is ready. [photo of a woman clown in a bright jacket, rainbow top and striped and spotty skirt] This female is ready. The flesh tone has extended from her hands up to her elbows, and I'd bet you money the tone extends beneath the knee as well. Her facial markings are much brighter, and her variety and intensity of color tell me this clown and well and truly ready to mate. How exciting!
Second, your clowns have to be properly fed. | know people have previously gone over proper clown care and feeding (fresh spun cotton candy is a must, they're obligate candyvores), but introducing the breeding pair can be a very stressful time for clowns. It's a good idea to supplement your candy diet with some fresh salted popcorn, or maybe giant novelty lollipops- you know, regular clown treats. This will help your clowns feel more at ease as they transition into your breeding tent. [photo of popcorn] Finally, clowns can be particular about when they mate. You’ll know it's happening because of the distinctive high pitched honking both breeding partners produce. It can take up to a week for clowns to acclimate to their mate and the tent you've transferred them to, so don’t get discouraged if you put your clowns together and nothing happens for a few days! They may just be skittish. Feel free to introduce additional toys and treats like a fresh batch of balloons or a unicycle to try to help them feel comfortable. What I've found with my clowns, back when | did this, is that most. clowns seemed to prefer breeding between four and seven a.m., when chances for frivolity and merriment are low regardless. Now, the honking is extremely loud, so if you are going to breed your clowns, invest in some earplugs and a white noise machine.
That's how you can get your clowns to mate, but this s getting really long, so | won't go into clown gestation specifics for now, or how to care for the young. Just know your work i far from over. ‘ thyrell: can you imagine being a professional clown and finding a screenshot of a tumblr post on clownstagram or whatever where someones sharing a picture of you in costume and saying its what a clown looks like when theyre in heat.
1 Dec 2022 at 11:37 | Open on masto.ai
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cruel and pointless war

shinolavolume: making my humidifier and dehumidifier participate in a cruel and pointless war starjasmines: innocent soldiers fighting to benefit only war profiteers (electric company)
2 Dec 2022 at 10:26 | Open on masto.ai
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depressed, stinky, thirsty

wikihow screenshot of dogs with problems. Sad dog labelled "depressed". Sad dog labelled "stinky". Dog drinking labelled "thirsty". Quendergeer: but all that changed when the itchy nation attacked
2 Dec 2022 at 10:29 | Open on masto.ai
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olaf

God | fucking hate Olaf the snowman so fucking much holy shit. Holy shit, every frame he's in, every scene, every gif, every jpeg, he's got this painfully vacant, stupid as shit, fuckass look on his stupid lumpy face. Absolutely no part of his ugly as sin piece of shit character design is endearing. His stupid fucking legs? Who the hell makes a snowman with legs. His dumb flaily fucking twig arms? His shitty, lumpy bastard head? The three thousand percent unnecessary dumbass shitass fucking SNOW BUCK TOOTH that no snowman has EVER FUCKING HAD IN tHE HISTORY OF GOD'S GREEN FUCKING EARTH? God, | hate him. | hate him so much. So FUCKING much Every time | see a stuffed toy Olaf or an Olaf gif or a shitty goddamn commercial, it ignites my primal rage response and 'm overcome by the need to punt this shitty little homunculus into the fucking sun "Bhurr blur, I'm Olaf the fuckshit snow fucker, | like warm hugs". Fuck you. Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you. You look like Tow Mater summoned a patronus. Your dumb fucking twig hair makes your whole shitty head look like a hairy skin tag. | hate your dumb fucking lumpy carrot nose and your stupid, empty googly eyes and Your over-the-top goofy ass upbeat asshole personality. Any scene he's sad it invokes all the wrath and fury of a spoiled child having a meltdown over a chocolate bar in a w*imart checkout line.
It's EXACTLY like that, except instead of cuteness it's disgust. The wordless knowledge that his existence as a fictional work is evidence of all the failures of mankind. | find myself possessed by the will of a Holy Angel gone rogue with the belief that God has made a mistake, and | alone must correct it. This is the trial by which Samael himseif fell from grace. This wild, meaningless rage. A thousand blades of shining steel cast with inhuman force in the direction of a plastic grocery bag floating on a breeze. What horrors must | have committed in a past life to be plagued by this torment now? | must Unmake this fictional snowman l childoftheunwalkedway: I'd feel better about this whole rant if Olaf weren't queer-coded. It might be largely the voice acting - the lisp, the inflection especially - but he's got massive "harmless gay sidekick” vibes. And if you're actively critiquing that? Sure, great, go all out. Hate whom you will. Say whatever you want about how "gay” is equated with "harmless silly sidekick used for comic relief, with no serious bearing on the plot, literally inhuman and treated by Serious Human Characters as... well,a sidekick, peripheral to your life and safe to ignore. But if you're not engaging critically with that aspect of his character and are just overwhelmed with hatred whenever you see or hear or think about the queer-coded character and his mannerisms make you feel violent, that is a little bit. Uncomfortable. At best.
Girl shouting knives meme format, with two girls shouting knives. The first is shouting "god I fucking hate olaf the snow man" and the beginning of the first post, trailing off. The second is shouting "I'd feel better about this whole rant if olaf weren't queer coded". Both knives are stabbing a guy
2 Dec 2022 at 11:19 | Open on masto.ai
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only a cis deals in absolutes

Screenshot. Select your gender. Two options, an emoji with short brown hair or one of long. Underneath each, picture of Obi Wan and Anakin from prequels (same hairstyles) There they are, the two genders Samael: only a cis deals in absolutes
4 Dec 2022 at 12:32 | Open on masto.ai
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discourse from the year 2043

discourse from the year 2043: getting a song stuck in your head is immoral because it takes money away from the artists that would get paid if you were actually listening to it
4 Dec 2022 at 17:40 | Open on masto.ai
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frieza's greatest power

howlingday: Dragon Ball Question: Frieza refers to Saiyans as monkeys. The obvious reason is that Saiyans have monkey tails, and the giant Oozaru look like baboons, which are monkeys. | get that. But how does Frieza know what a monkey is, if it is an animal that only lives on Earth and assuming Frieza has never been to Earth before encountering the Saiyans? [screenshotted reply] His greatest power is knowing which slur to use against any opponent
5 Dec 2022 at 10:34 | Open on masto.ai
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tumblr discourse sampler

graynara: watching steven universe is the polar opposite of eating pussy nuggetemily: literally every kind of tumbler discourse is happening in the notes of this ! bluesargentsclues Here’s a sampler if you don’t want to spend hours scrolling through: [what follows is a series of screenshots across the next few pics]
ron-pauls-drag-race: The problem with left-anarchists who whine about "muh corpo- rations" is that corporations are more often than not allied with the interests of the state, not opposed to it. Most government regulations are put in place as a form of cronyism to help large corporate monopolies and are detrimental to smaller firms. Acting like the state is somehow the "lesser of two evils" and can control bad corporations is naive and completely opposed to anarchism as an ideology. thegearspinner: To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Yuri. Her po- etry is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of English Language Arts most of the metaphors will go over a typical reader’s head. There’s also her nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into her characterisation- her personal philosophy draws heavily from Portrait of Markov, for instance. The Yurifags understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of
pelagicpigeon: Actually, Jung was the first to suggest the idea of the ‘collective unconscious, and therefore would disagree with that sentiment. Maybe consider doing your research next time. ravemutual: the kwanzan flowering cherry is NOT the same as the esplanades cherry. if you even did a quick google search you wouldn't have made yourself look like such an idiot but here we are raulendymion79: omfg I'd be that last comment. *rawr* *sure why not?* *Nuzzles a “necky” | guess?* :3
@ supreme-ferret: | thought we agreed G+ doesn'’t exist outside of G+ virge-of-death: “ Homestuck???? X men?2?? Edgar Allen Poe??? Very different things jarrodwalker: The funny thing is, we put so much effort into mental health awareness and tolerance, but have any of you actually been friends with someone with mental illness? It's not always pretty. And don't even get me started on therapy. The mental health system in this country is iffy at best; when you are told that you are wrong to feel the way you feel then you can never heal. We have to understand that it is okay to have feelings. wesxthehuman © poisonouspoptart Then you are probably Roy Moore
5 Dec 2022 at 11:18 | Open on masto.ai
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sasha the christmas tiger

Photo of a tiger holding a wrapped gift in its mouth. fallcaeser: Santa is on strike due to global warming. All presents this year will be delivered by Sacha the Christmas tiger. Milk and cookies will not be sufficient theffff: “MUST BRING PRESENTS TO GOOD CHILDREN” yes good "and eat the bad ones" wait no "eat them" Sacha no
burstofhope the Christmas tiger is watching theffff: she is making a list. It is not easy with her paws but she is making it iguanamouth: [two panel illustration. Panel 1: a paw holding a pen, writing a naughty/nice list Panel 2: a grinning tiger in a Santa hat is revealed holding the quill] She's almost here
riverdancekat: Okay fine this is the ONE Christmas thing I will reblog before Thanksgiving BUT THAT’S IT aseriouscomedian (in increasingly large text) You better watch out You better watch out You better watch out You better watch out kyraneko: a a splendid specimen of the yule cat. Scientific name felis navidad, of course
5 Dec 2022 at 15:31 | Open on masto.ai
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imitation seawater (too long to fully alt-text, screenreader users can enjoy the whole thing here: elodieunderglass.tumblr.com/po )

cerinthescarietpescatarian: “X bodily fluid is just filtered blood!” buddy | hate to break it to you but ALL of the fluids in your body are filtered blood. Your circulatory system is how water gets around your body. It all comes out of the blood (or lymph, which is just filtered blood). . derinthescarletpescatarian: “Okay but why is it always so chemically roundabout and unnecessarily complicated” well buddy, that’s because your blood is imitation seawater. See? It's very simple. ‘ badwificonnection: Blood is what now? derinthescarletpescatarian: It's imitation seawater what part is confusing badwificonnection [math lady meme]
derinthescarletpescatarian: #are you telling me#humans are just sentient aquariums? Buddy if anything is living in your blood (except for more parts of you) in detectable amounts then you have a serious microbial infection and need to go to the hospital. Humans are seawater wastelands kept sterile of all but human cells, with microbial mats coating their surfaces. badwificonnection: #the inside of your intestine is outside of you #just like the inside of your lungs and stomach #although the mucuses and stomach acids are partly made of filtered blood | auess Thank you that’s...very disturbing derinthescarletpescatarian: It’s not my fault you’re human. apatheticshipwreck: Ok but “It’s not my fault you’re human.” Is the best comeback ever. derinthescarletpescatarian: You can use it against anyone except children that you biologically helped to create.
' derinthescarletpescatarian: #/blood is imitation seawater/ is the part that’s confusing Picture this: you are a Thing That Lives In The Ocean. Some kind of small multicellular animal a long time ago, before proper circulatory systems existed. “Wow;” you think, metaphorically, “it sure is difficult to diffuse chemicals across my whole body. Kinda puts a hard limit on the size and distance of what specialised organs | can have. Good thing I have all this water around me that's the same salinity as my cells (they have to be that way so | don't explode or shrivel up) so | can diffuse and filter chemicals with that.” “Wait a minute;” you say a couple of generations later, because you're not actually a small animal but an evolutionary process personified and simplified to the point of dangerous inaccuracy for the purposes of a Tumblr post, “instead of losing all these important chemicals to the water around me, how about | put it in tubes? | can keep MY water separate from the rest of the world’s water! Anything | want to keep goes in my water! Anything | don’t, | dump back into the outside water! I'm a genius! An unthinking natural trial-and-error process that's a GENIUS!” “Wow,” you think a great many generations later, “being able to have such control over such high concentrations of important chemicals is S0 great.
Ea elodieunderglass Follow Well, there’s another few steps, of course. Because at some point, operating along lines of logic that worked out perfectly so far, you did decide to be a mammal. Amammal is a machine for adapting to Circumstances. A mammal is atremendously resilient all-terrain life-support system, with built-in heating, cooling, respiration, and incubators for reproduction. Mammals internalise everything (grudges, eggs) and furthermore are excessively, flamboyantly wet internally. Sure, everyone’s a bag of chemicals; but mammals sfosh. Mammals took the concept of an internal ocean and took it in an unnecessarily splashy direction, added aftermarket mods and a climate-control system, and just to show off, you leaned across the metaphorical gambling table and said: “my internal ocean is so good- *“Bullshit,” said the shark, keeping it salty (ha) “My internal ocean is so brilliantly resilient, more so than any of YOURS;” you said, holding their attention with a digit held aloft, “that for my next trick, | shall artistically recreate the ballad of evolution as a performance. | shall craft a complex chemical ballet depicting the origin of multicellular life - using some of my own material, of course-” “Oh, ANYONE can lay an egg,” yodel the fish, and the ray adds: “ontogeny does NOT recapitulate phylogeny!” And you're like, “yeah no, it’s an artistic rendition, not a literal thing. Basically P'm going to take some cells and brew them up-" “Like an egg.”
6 Dec 2022 at 11:22 | Open on masto.ai
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what the hell is in your mouth

queencatradora: i went to the dentist today and my dentist honest to god said “can i ask you a question...__. what the hell is in your mouth” " lesbianwisdom: ?? Was it bad or good? What did you say? it was in awe Imao then the hygienist and assistant all came over to look too and they were like “wooooow” and my ass was sitting there like [gif of person with tripping eyes]
uueencatradora oh my god i posted this and then went to work, and [series of screenshots of replies] kanetamarion: What was it tho i m-just-gay-and-depressed ‘ Ok but What WAs in your mouth? kavisilence : so what was in your mouth that could have invoked that response like was your tooth just creating a wormhole in your mouth or what starryeyedwonder said What's in your mouth??? Why did they ask that???? story time okay so to preface this, my hometown where i'm originally from is a really fucking weird place. like from the outside it seems like a normal suburban town, but once you're there for awhile you get the feeling that's something’s not....quite all together. a lot of people are really fucking weird there — so much S0 that that was a running joke in school growing up, that people in the town were just like that. everyone knew not to go out to the farm lands surrounding the town especially at night, we called it “the cuts” and people used to disappear out there all the time or get shot at by the especially weird people that would live out there. the news was and still is truly a thing of horror. every time i come back i'm regaled with even more stories of crazy shit that has happened there.
to put it in perspective we generally never had “normal crime” like robbery or anything like that when i lived there, though that did happen sometimes. the news stories were always like, “a kid was kidnapped by local residents and tortured in a house around the corner,” “a random person was chased down and shot for sport in a really nice neighborhood.” “someone was gored to death by a bull while out car shopping,” etc. (these are all real, btw). everyone does drugs and the whole town is located really close to a government site where they test nuclear weapons and chemicals and shit.this is how i grew up, in this bizarre environment i only say this 0 you know that this town is where i got my orthodontics from. all the kids in my town went to this one particular orthodontist. i also used to go to a dentist in town that a lot of people went to as well. i had a permanent retainer put on my bottom teeth after braces and no one had ever said anything to me about the model of retainer itself or it being weird type of retainer at all. i saw a ton of other people (mostly other kids that were my age at the time) that had the same type of retainer as me too o i never thought about it however i went to a dentist for the first time in a metropolitan area now, and when he saw itin my mouth his literal first reaction was to say “uh can i ask you a question... what the hellis that" LITERALLY the words that he said
which in hindsight makes almost too much sense. of course my town of all towns would put these weird unnecessary contraptions in kids' mouths, and of course it happened so much that everyone just thought it was normal. that sounds exactly, to a T, like my hometown my permanent bottom retainer is apparently this prototype thatis so rare that he's literally never seen it before in his lfe, not in dental school, nowhere. its not that its an outdated type, its just rare as fuck. they were stil staring at pictures of it on my chart in wonder when i leftthe office. S0 just know somewhere out there, in a weird ass suburban town where they test nuclear weapons and a good portion of the residents go fucking nuts, there’s probably hundreds of people stil walking around with this same coniraption in their mouth that exists nowhere else in the world thinking, “yeah, that's cool. that makes sense. let me go drink the definitely not-contaminated water now and never move away from here.” bleachtrippin: This sounds lie an X-files episode
6 Dec 2022 at 12:21 | Open on masto.ai
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how to summon a concerned lesbian

i just walked past the apartment beneath mine and through an open window i could hear my downstairs neighbor crying faintly while the song jolene played in the background and im just like.... bitch are you okay...? 1 actually ended up going back downstairs to check on her and brought some leftover cookies | baked this afternoon. she’s very sweet and going through a Breakup Mood™ after being cheated on. she's coming over to my gf and I's annual bad movie night on Friday and she even let me pet her cat named Clarence my gf thinks its funny but very fiting that our downstairs neighbor was able to summon a concerned lesbian just by playing jolene while crying about being done dirty by a man
7 Dec 2022 at 12:13 | Open on masto.ai
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when peace comes at last, children play on the old battlefields and don't think of what came before them

sytherenne: [screnshot] While this show has some SERIOUS '90s vibes, it's not bad! | absolutely see the appeal. | love that it's about girls finding their inner strength, kicking ass, and defeating evil. Out of all the reboots that have happened, I'm surprised that this hasn't been touched yet. | still don't know why Spike and Angel seem like older men compared to Buffy, but | guess people were into it? But also — was there ever a Team Spike or Team Angel like Team Edward/Jacob LET ME KNOW. I can't believe | had to read this sentence in a buzzfeed thing about BtVS with ‘my own goddamn eyes how is it possible this has slipped from the mind of the collective conscious, people died in this conflict, know your fandom history jeeze etraytin: It's the way of all wars. When peace comes at last, children play on the old battlefields and don't think of what came before them.
7 Dec 2022 at 12:22 | Open on masto.ai
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can't believe i didn't realise i was gay right then

vampireapologist actually when | was in 8th grade and obsessed with twilight my master plan as. a twilight vampire was to sit around in famous shipwrecks like the super deep ones where they can only send robots with cameras from their submarines and when they sent one down i be sitting there, pretending to drink out of an old tea cup you know for the drama of it all and the guys in the submarine would know what they saw and that it was real footage but who else would believe them? no one important. but it didn't stop there. at the next party they threw to celebrate one of their latest finds, some museum-y banquet idk | was 13, | was going to show up. | was going to show up and make eye contact with them one at a time from across the room and they were going to lose their goddamn minds and then before the volturi could catch wind i was gonna be back in the ocean. how could they find me? the drama. the theatrics. i can't believe i didn't realize i was gay right then but that's another story, also involving vampires, wuackamole hate to burst your fantasy, but 1) vampires don't show up in film 2) vampires can't cross moving water much less sit at the bottom of the ocean ; vampireapologist You've got me a in a difficult position here because on the one hand, this post is specifically about vampire lore in Twilight, so you're wrong, but on the other hand, saying *you clearly didn't read twiight" doesn't exactly make you look like the bad guy here
8 Dec 2022 at 11:51 | Open on masto.ai
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