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Sarah Taber

At first that sounds like a nuts thing to do.

And then you look at the map and you think, Oh! That's on the same latitude as Ireland. That's not so bad.

Nice long days in the summer, cool rainy maritime climate, lots of green grass. Cows love that!

And you'd be right!

Screenshot from Google maps showing whole north-western quadrant of the globe, with Unmak Island at the same latitude as Ireland.
67 comments
Sarah Taber

A cool thing about ranching on islands in Alaska is in the winter, when there's less grass, is kelp season. Kelp loves the cold & kelp forests really get going in winter.

Then winter storms pull lots of it off its stalks and pile it onto the beach, where the cows can graze it.

Screenshot from the article linked above. It says "'The cattle go wherever they want. There's few fences on the island,' Harvie says. 'Besides grass, kelp on the beaches sustains the cattle.'" [Harvie was the owner of the ranch at the time the article was written.]
Sarah Taber

Another cool thing about ranching on islands in Alaska is this quote is technically true!

Screenshot from article linked above. "Pat Harvie's spread in the Aleutian Islands has lush grasslands and no natural predators, but that doesn't mean ranching in the Cradle of Storms is easy."
Sarah Taber

So, here's the thing.

They're way out in the North Pacific. That "cradle of storms" thing is real.

Those big waves that surfers love on the North Shore of Hawai'i?

This is where they come from! Storms in the North Pacific! They're still huge after they make it to HAWAI'I

Sarah Taber

That's how all that kelp gets onto shore. Big storms, big waves, tearin' up the kelp forests & dropping them on the beach.

So you'll still get occasional 20, 30' waves even after a local storm is over.

When it's otherwise calm & the cows are out grazing on the beach.

Sarah Taber

So the thing about cows is they're kinda just a fermentation tank on legs.

Their body is a big hollow barrel with a lot of gas in it (mostly lungs, some CO2 & methane in the gut).

They float GREAT.

Sarah Taber

So yes, sometimes they get whacked by big waves when they're grazing on the beach. But don't worry, they don't drown! They float! They can swim!*

Sarah Taber

*Well enough to cross a river. Not well enough to get back to land in the North Pacific.

Cows are not a maritime creature.

Sarah Taber

So.... someone has figured out that there's a magic island that occasionally drops cows into the ocean.

Photo of a group of 5 orcas spyhopping out of the water. (Sticking their heads straight up out of the water to look at things above the water.)
Sarah Taber replied to Sarah

Turns out orcas love steak.

And this quote is technically true! There are no natural predators ON Umnak Island.

Screenshot from article linked above. It says "Pat Harvie's spread in the Aleutian Islands has lush grasslands and no natural predators, but that doesn't mean ranching in the Cradle of Storms is easy."

the "no natural predators" section is highlighted by the screens hotter (me)
Sarah Taber replied to Sarah

The article doesn't mention the orcas. I got that info from a colleague involved in attempts to acquire the ranch.

Turns out running a ranch in the Aleutian Islands is, like, logistically not recommended- as I understand it's no longer in operation.

Sarah Taber replied to Sarah

This ranch is a great case study in "Just because you can ranch cattle here, doesn't mean you should."

There's also a caribou herd there that AFAIK doesn't wander down into the wave zone to graze, because they eat lichen in the winter. It helps to be adapted to the local area!

Peter Hald replied to Sarah

@sarahtaber

A weird and wonderful story!
Thanks

Sarah Taber replied to Sarah

ps. I'm running for Commissioner of Agriculture in North Carolina. Whale tales aside- I'm here for solving rural areas' economic challenges. And I can't do it alone, so if you can, help me win this thing!

Website: taberfornc.com

Donate: secure.actblue.com/donate/mast

Tom Pearce replied to Sarah

@sarahtaber I don't think I can do much from Scotland other than boosting your post, but my best wishes. Good luck!

AccordionBruce replied to Sarah

@sarahtaber
The Vikings starved in Greenland because they tried to grow cattle and sheep didn’t they?

And refused to ask the Inuit how they’d been surviving all this time?

Shakes head at arrogant Norwegian ancestors

ahimsa replied to Sarah

@sarahtaber Thanks for sharing that story!

In the alt text for one of the images it says, "Screenshot from the article linked above." But I didn't see a link in any of the posts.

I think this story is the source of the quotes, just for anyone else who is curious:

cowboysindians.com/2018/03/the

cpm replied to Sarah
ShadSterling replied to Sarah

@sarahtaber I wish my local candidates had campaign ads as good as this!

Pamela Barroway – Biz Editor replied to Sarah

@sarahtaber I just donated! If you happen to be doing any text banks or postcarding please toot that too.

PS Thanks for being active here in the #Fediverse. I was a longtime follower back on Xitter.

Nivex 🐧 πŸ“» replied to Diane

@alienghic @sarahtaber I have perished from laughter induced asphyxia.

Marsh Gardiner πŸ’‘πŸπŸ”§ replied to Diane

@alienghic @sarahtaber I must say... the kelp-making machine that brought cow-me to this story-beach was a big set up by the Diane-orcas for the precise goal of making this joke.

Diane πŸ•΅ replied to Marsh Gardiner πŸ’‘πŸπŸ”§

@earth2marsh @sarahtaber

I don't think I have ever managed to make a pun as perfect as this pun before.

Greg Johnston replied to Sarah

@sarahtaber Let's file that one in the "didn't think it through" folder.

soaproot replied to Greg

@GPJohnston @sarahtaber Wait you are saying that you are thinking of establishing a cattle ranch and that "what if predation by ORCAS is a problem?" is the obvious thing to check?

Greg Johnston replied to soaproot

@soaproot @sarahtaber@mastodon.hell yes, in the North Pacific, you ALWAYS factor in killer whales. You must be from Iowa. πŸ˜‰

enantiomer replied to Sarah

@sarahtaber

"I'm going down to Cow Town
the Cow's a friend to me
lives beneath the ocean
and that's where I will be
beneath the waves
the waves
and that's where I will be
I'm gonna see the Cow Beneath the Sea"

youtube.com/watch?v=u91t0_wfL6

Leaping Woman replied to Sarah

@sarahtaber πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

:jan:‍:abreath:β€β€πŸŒ¬:dandelion: replied to Sarah

@sarahtaber thank you for sharing this story, it brightend my Monday πŸ˜‚β€οΈ :orca:

Love-30 replied to Sarah

@sarahtaber oh my word!! I did not see this twist coming! πŸ˜‚

Darwin Woodka replied to Sarah

@sarahtaber or maybe they're waiting for a yacht

Bynkii (they/them) replied to Sarah

@sarahtaber I knew the fuckin’ orcas would figure it out.

Camerondotca replied to Sarah

@sarahtaber They really are just ... amazingly adaptable death machines.

Sally Monster replied to Sarah

@sarahtaber 🫒🫣😬
I am so glad I started reading this thread!

Patrick Johanneson πŸš€ replied to Sarah

@sarahtaber If, later on in your life, you think, Hey, why did that Patrick Johanneson guy follow me, anyway?, well, it's because of this thread, and specifically this post.

MarkNW

@sarahtaber a couple of years ago when we had bad flooding in Cumbria, a herd of cows were washed away and found, fit and healthy, on a golf course 25 miles away!

Simon Brooke

@sarahtaber whales (including orcas) are, though, descended from the ancestor of modern cattle, so at some time in the past, (proto-)cattle not only did swim, but kept on swimming, and thus became pelagic.

Cannibalism, anyone?

baleinesendirect.org/en/discov.

Dan Sugalski

@sarahtaber this feels like a setup for one of the old Far Side cartoons

NentuabyπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ

@sarahtaber At first I thought this was just going to be about Yet Another Dumbass Species Introduction. But then... The slowly dawning realization that "natural" is not the word that's doing too much here...

John Francis

@sarahtaber but then....*rolls dice*....Vampire...*rolls dice*...Sea Otters

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