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🐙🐇🐝Pointed Sarah🐞🐡🐧

programmers are always posting like "worked on tracking down an issue with a Flurble deployment for twelve hours. the problem wasn't in Flurble at all - it was in the Gumbies install. It turns out if you install Gumbies 3.0 over Gumbies 2.7 and don't do a cache flush on all the client spiders they'll get stuck in the crystal maze." then you look up Gumbies and the site is one of those scroll scroll scroll types with one sentence per page, like

"GUMBIES is a lean, expressive sharding sandcube for testing and deploying large scale Woodchips playgrounds.

GUMBIES automates and streamlines away watersliding phases, meaning your team can get right to the chipping.

See why Microsoft, OpenAI and Bloingo have embraced GUMBIES in their Woodchips workflows."

and you get to the bottom and you're like I want this I guess but I still don't know what it is

205 comments
:gay: zetta :transknife:

@sc_griffith lmao so spot on. can just see the trade show booth now. the sad bowl of mints.

Luci ‘O Lantern

@sc_griffith i dunno it doesn’t sound like GUMBIES has their upgrade procedure worked out.

pacanukeha❎

@sc_griffith no one uses gumbies any more since the licensing debacle of Ought-Twenty-Three
we use the fork now, it's called makes a noise like 4 seconds of loud hissing static

Of Bookish Things

@pacanukeha @sc_griffith Couldn't you cut the noise if you knifed it at the fork? Cutting gumbies can be tricky because a gumby tends to stick to the pokey.

pacanukeha❎

@pseudonym @JPK_elmediat @sc_griffith see, now here they're using a horsie vm to isolate the gumbie, that's best practice.
sad how the original author went off the rails

Mary625

@JPK_elmediat @pacanukeha @sc_griffith

Finally! Don't know how someone didn't bring Pokey up before 😂

Ben Lubar (any pronouns)

@sc_griffith I'm currently at a stage in the development of my game where I have to program the UI and I desparately want to return to working for 12 hours to write 10 lines of code that require 100 lines of comments

Panegyr 🤡🎪

@ben I love those blocks of code that feel like they have to be wrested from the fabric of reality itself and require pages of documentation to be comprehended by mortals

Lydia Miller

@sc_griffith WHY IS THIS SO ACCURATE 😭😭🙌🏼🙌🏼 this was 100% me when I was trying to learn about kubernetes

Krafty :arcolinux: :neovim:

@lydiamiller @sc_griffith Lol I have kubernetes filtered under my "dumb stuff" filter. I don't even know what it is and I'm not sure I want to!

CEbbinghaus

@tkk13909 @lydiamiller @sc_griffith Its dumb stuff but like lots of it in lots of different places all just to run more dumb stuff for some dumb product. Like Google or whatever

ouinne

@lydiamiller im still messed up from learning that it’s not said koob-er-NEETS.

ouinne

@lydiamiller it’s the time when I said ghee fee-AIR-ee and everyone laughed and laughed because I’d never heard Guy Fieri say his name, just read it in gym closed captions, all over again 😂

Lydia Miller

@ouinne oh no! I relate to this deeply. Actually can we start a petition to start calling him Ghee Fieri? Because that is a lovely name.

Dan LK

@ouinne @lydiamiller I read this as my partner is on the other side of the bed listening to triple-D, and the thought of Guy Fieri pronouncing his name like Guy de Maupassant delights me no end

ouinne

@2ndLevelBard @lydiamiller now im picturing Fieri as the protagonist of that unnerving story about the furniture and snickering. The flamin hot dorito Guy would battle his furniture into submission, I feel. 😂

ShinyObjects

@lydiamiller @sc_griffith Wait, kubernetes are actually real? I thought it was part of the joke.

ShinyObjects

That satisfying feeling when you find someone cool to follow and just before you hit the follow button, you find that they've already just followed you.

FluffyNotFat

@sc_griffith@mathstodon.xyz

PRICING

Personal Use: Free

10 GUMBIES per Day per User Account: $25.99/mo or $300.00/yr. Thats nearly $12.00 in savings!

GUMBIES ENTERPRISE: Please call.

packy

@sc_griffith@mathstodon.xyz I'm a programmer, and I feel like this ALL THE TIME. There is so much technology out there now that feels like it serves no purpose other than to promote some other technology whose only purpose is to put money in some huge corporation's coffers.

D2

@sc_griffith then you learn that actually, GUMBIES are not even required on this site or needed for any of it's functionality.

DemocritusDiscoBall

@sc_griffith

This is one of the funniest things I’ve read in a bit, and I follow a few humor accounts😂

Karl Katzke

@DemocritusDiscoBall @sc_griffith This made me break down because it describes some of the most stressful days of my life

arclight

@IIVQ @drwho @sc_griffith Spoiler alert: It's literally right there in the image description - Hacker II.

Aside: I learned a lot about two topics in the year I spent as SJG webmaster: front-to-back book production (acquisition, editing, design, production, sales, marketing, and distribution) and creepy abusive narcissism.

James Dreben

@sc_griffith@mathstodon.xyz Oh man y'all are still on Gumbies and Flurble? That X paradigm is so 2022. You gotta check out Zillix. Its faster and simpler and more powerful and does so much for you. Zillix solves the virtualization problem that causes so many issues by using this super simple new Z paradigm. If you Google it you may see articles on Y paradigm libraries that argue to do the same but without the new Zillix syntax and those are certainly better than Gumbies and Flurble too, but if you invest your time learning Zillix you can be sipping Pina coladas like me in your 3rd vacation home letting Z AI code for you.

@sc_griffith@mathstodon.xyz Oh man y'all are still on Gumbies and Flurble? That X paradigm is so 2022. You gotta check out Zillix. Its faster and simpler and more powerful and does so much for you. Zillix solves the virtualization problem that causes so many issues by using this super simple new Z paradigm. If you Google it you may see articles on Y paradigm libraries that argue to do the same but without the new Zillix syntax and those are certainly better than Gumbies and Flurble too, but if you...

Doug Wade

@sc_griffith embarrassingly, I'm pretty sure I've written a docs page just like that.

BugGenerator

@sc_griffith I don’t know exactly what Gumbies is, but I’m sure it’s written in Javascript

Bèr Kessels 🐝 🚐 🏄 🌱

@BugGenerator @sc_griffith nah. That's gumbies.js you are thinking. It's there for legacy. Everyone now uses the rust port of gumbies.

Barktic Fox :therian:

@sc_griffith I think I almost had a stroke when I looked into the FOSS LinkTree-alike software and instead of finding a 27-page installation document that describes itself as “easy to use” but also starts spewing obscure Terminal commands at me in step 3 like it’s trying to summon an Old One, there was instead an easily-missable link to a download consisting entirely of a self-contained PHP application that you can just FTP up to your web server. Like, I didn’t realize that was still legal to do in web dev in the 2020s.

@sc_griffith I think I almost had a stroke when I looked into the FOSS LinkTree-alike software and instead of finding a 27-page installation document that describes itself as “easy to use” but also starts spewing obscure Terminal commands at me in step 3 like it’s trying to summon an Old One, there was instead an easily-missable link to a download consisting entirely of a self-contained PHP application that you can just FTP up to your web server. Like, I didn’t realize that was still legal to do...

NerdGirlInVR 💜🇺🇸🌎🐘💜

@sc_griffith
I need to know, what are GUMBIES and at whom should I throw my money? 💵💵💵

nimstodon

@sc_griffith cripes I didn't realize Gumbies 3.x is stable already, I'm gonna have to refactor everything

starling

@sc_griffith me reading about goblins or whatever it was called for the first time

meadowhawk

@sc_griffith as long as they have cool stickers I'm in.

Saket

@sc_griffith It’s worse than that. It turns out you can install more than one version of Gumbies on your system. Now I have 2.7 •and• 3.0 installed with no way to control which version gets called on any given session.

Their Github says its on the roadmap to fix but that’s been open for 4 years.

In the meantime you can use the unmaintained Gumbo tool to manage multiple Gumbies environments.

David Nash

@Saket @sc_griffith Gumbies 3.1 is supposed to include a beta version of support for the Sprintle virtualizer, which, as all Flork developers know, will let you run multiple Gumbies versions, which can be downloaded using the Kitten module for the Mibbler environment management service. The first full release of multi-version support is expected in either Gumbies π or Gumbies 3.5.

non-binary diety of spring Liliana

@Saket @sc_griffith you actually need both versions since part of the software uses things that are only available on Gumbies versions 3.0+, but other parts use things that are no longer included in Gumbies 3.0+ because of security risks.

Alakest

@sc_griffith Let me just leave a blurb and a link here after pointing out the following:

You can't just *give* money to a class of people to have them sit-out a political fight, if you're smart, you've run out of management positions, and you want to temporarily leave them an illusion of dignity, you *launder* it.:

Bullshit Jobs: A Theory

...a 2018 book by anthropologist David Graeber that postulates the existence of meaningless jobs and analyzes their societal harm.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullshit

@sc_griffith Let me just leave a blurb and a link here after pointing out the following:

You can't just *give* money to a class of people to have them sit-out a political fight, if you're smart, you've run out of management positions, and you want to temporarily leave them an illusion of dignity, you *launder* it.:

PJ Coffey

@sc_griffith

That used to be about 80% of my Mastodon feed in November, it's now down to 10% or less (measurement by vibes).

I like to try and follow along and throw my little likes at the mega threads that happen. I don't need to fully understand to be supportive. 😀

TJ Radcliffe

@sc_griffith It's ridiculous 3rd party libraries all the way down (me, I do my best to avoid them all: I have a tiny set of 3rd party libs I've used for years. I'm too old to believe that new frameworks are the solution. Knowing how to use the basics [and writing code generators to simplify repetitive tasks] is the solution.)

Martha Bridegam

@sc_griffith

Now I just want to know what a sandcube is and how it relates to the Sandbenders in @GreatDismal . .

Benjamin

@sc_griffith I’m not so sure this is really a Gumbie issue. I was a contributor to that project for most of 1.x. We were having issues with picking up the right Gleeok version. So there was a config script that scans your environment and adds the env variable GUMGLEE.

Once Gleeok solved their multiple versioning issues, I think they deleted the config script, but make sure you delete GUMGLEE if it’s still there.

Avocado Toast

@sc_griffith wish I could boost this 100x.

I tried to read a description of anytype because it open sourced and had no fucking clue what it even was.

BITPRINT AKA Evan Raskob

@sc_griffith @avocado_toast is this a real site? I need this for my interaction design class notes

🐙🐇🐝Pointed Sarah🐞🐡🐧

@BITPRINT @avocado_toast enjoy. one of the faq answers implies it's a note taking app but otherwise I could not for the life of me figure out what it is

anytype.io/

Houston_OG

@sc_griffith sounds more like your talking about application packagers not programmers. Programmers have no idea about software deployment.

Lyssa Chiavari

@sc_griffith I opened Mastodon just now to post that it's always Wordpress plugins that brag in their description that they're "beautiful, solid, awesome" that crash my site when I update them, and then this came across my feed and it feels almost parallel to that thought

Haelwenn /элвэн/ :triskell:
@sc_griffith Might be an extremist but if something isn't able to describe itself enough to interest me in about it's first screen(s)… I'm not going to bother.
Specially for corporate stuff, because then it means they intentionally planned their design against my needs.
Arotrios

@sc_griffith Isn't it clear? You have to go to the github and find the readme.txt file, which will direct you to a Stack Overflow account filled with Ayn Rand quotes and 4 chan memes. Hidden within those hieroglyphics is the true meaning of GUMBIES. C'mon man, streamline your waterslide already - there's woodchipping to do.

🚲

@sc_griffith i’m very :blobcatgooglyholdingitsheadinitshands: rn so can you explain what this means?

botvolution

@sc_griffith

this post inspired me to find once again the splunk/cribl thread on twitter, and I was not disappointed.

NomenLuni

@sc_griffith Hahahaha! That even out-technobabble's "The Enterprise computer system is controlled by three primary main processing cores, cross-linked with a redundant melacortz ramistat. Fourteen kiloquad interface modules. The core element is based on an FTL nanoprocessor with twenty five bilateral kelilactirals, with twenty of those being slaved into the primary heisenfram terminal. Now you do know what a bilateral kelilactiral is? " 🤣

DeterioratedStucco

@sc_griffith
Programmers and marketing people... IME coders don't like (doing) documentation, marketing people are scared of it.
But the person who commissioned the webpage, and signed it off, is where the real problem lies.

Sion [main]

@sc_griffith This is exactly what my job has turned into.

lertsenem

@sc_griffith Ah, sure Gumbies is kinda good, but you should really check Klarm-ng. It's like Gumbies but way easier to configure and it comes containerized by default for easy deployment over Octogolips (which you should already use since you're using Flurble I guess).

Edwin Kofler

@sc_griffith me when my friend speaks anything Cloud Native

Polychrome :clockworkheart:
@sc_griffith these websites aren't aimed at programmers they're aimed at their bosses who will get very excited and order the programmers to use it
Efi (nap pet) 🦊💤

@sc_griffith please, don't inject these plausible tech names into my brain, I have enough trouble keeping track of the real ones with implausible names

Harry Wood

@sc_griffith Yes I can confirm client spiders stuck in the crystal maze can be problem with Gumbies.

sabik

@sc_griffith @hazelweakly
You need to find the actual docs for GUMBIES, not the Blue Shoes marketing fluff. Also the latest version, not that old zh-marked (but still English) version that always seems to come up at the top of the search

Hazel Weakly

@sabik @sc_griffith are you talking about docs.gumby, gumby.gumbo/docs, readthedocs.com/Gumby, their GitHub wiki, or the readme on GitHub which points to a medium article from 7 years ago?

nick rothwell

@sc_griffith If the Gumbies official web site isn't three columns of Corporate Memphis I'm not buying.

Full Metal Archaeopteryx

@sc_griffith
Sadly, this has been my week, and will be for the next two: I've been dragged into the implementation of a new parts management/aircraft logbook system.

I'm supposed to be the logbook side, but the customer has their own logbook system (frankly, almost everyone already has both) and won't implement that, so now I'm stuck learning how to manage stock inventory...

I am very much not a parts clerk.

There are dozens of poorly named transaction pages that must be filled out just to move a component from point A to point C. The name of the page is not the name of the link that got you there, and half the values are not being used.

Mandatory values are identified with a highlighted bar. Except when they are not.

The person teaching this system happens to be the database engineer, which is helpful since he's fixing the bugs as he tries demonstrating, and has to fix the name of a specific field on. Every. Single. Page.

Oh, and every seventh word is "solutioned" or some variant.

@sc_griffith
Sadly, this has been my week, and will be for the next two: I've been dragged into the implementation of a new parts management/aircraft logbook system.

I'm supposed to be the logbook side, but the customer has their own logbook system (frankly, almost everyone already has both) and won't implement that, so now I'm stuck learning how to manage stock inventory...

Zebra North

@sc_griffith You find that they have a video explaining it, so you watch that. The video is of people sitting in coffee shops with ukulele music playing over the top. It promises to make your life easier. You still don't know what it does.

Stewart Sims

@sc_griffith What they don't tell you is how likely it is GUMBIES and/or the company behind it will cease to exist within the next 5 years. Those poor client spiders don't stand a chance.

Benny Powers 🇨🇦️🇮🇱️

@sc_griffith GUMBIES 3.0 was a killer release though, I think we all need to just rally around the new version, or the ecosystem will be held back, you know?

Cogito ergo mecagoendios

@sc_griffith this and when you finally find out what it does it turns out gumbies is used to divide numbers by 7 because we have developed an habit of using external products for basic tasks and a one-line-of-text website weights 20MB nowadays.

Hawkwinter:firefish:

@sc_griffith@mathstodon.xyz

We can either spew technical jargon at most of you that you won't understand, or you'll think we sit at our desks tapping away accomplishing nothing for 12 hours and you'll think we're not doing anything because it's a fiddly job that most people don't understand very well. haha.

Brett Coulstock

@sc_griffith All we learn is that marketing is an impediment to clear communication. 😩

RedstoneLP2

@sc_griffith
That's not only the software. It's also companies.

Willem Van den Ende - Writing

@sc_griffith 😃 Now if you write everything from hand-crafted assembly, and write your own browser from scratch, none of this is needed ;-) I wanted to claim AutarkyJs for this reason, but it was already taken by a tool that deletes dependencies.

Simon Lucy

@sc_griffith

You've all forgotten about Ubik.

"The door refused to open. It said, "Five cents, please."

Eric the Cerise

@sc_griffith

Yes! OM'effinG, yes! I feel seen!

This is my life. 14 hours of debugging to finally learn that I need to change the BreakTheWebsite setting from 'true' to 'false' in the Gumbies config file.

@aral

ShinyObjects

@sc_griffith Okay, we've talked this over and everyone in the field has unanimously agreed that you are now an honorary software developer, just for this post.

ShinyObjects

@sc_griffith That's the spirit! ;) Thankyou for providing a chillingly accurate reflection on the industry!

I can see that GUMBIES site just from that description, it's quite amazing!

Nick Matthews

@sc_griffith but what if you're only running Gumbies 2.6? Can you even upgrade all the way or do you have to bump up to 2.7 before going to 3.0? You also have to ensure the cross-dependency of Murfle is up to date too. Their releases page only lists the binaries though, and their Changelog file was last updated in 2017, but at least the git history has good commit messages.

Matt Tearle

@sc_griffith

I’ve found Gumbies Made Simple to be a great introduction:

1.1 What is Gumbies?
Gumbies is a happy sparkly funtime platform for much shiny things.

1.2 Hello World
To dereference null instantiations of bit-shifted Splorkl turds within a Xham or EGGS slop-bucket, it is imperative to first cache-spelunk your Gumbies injection. It is recommended you do this fully recursively, to ensure no hanging chads persist in your document wank frond.

TeflonTrout

@sc_griffith I am in the first few weeks of learning Javascript as a first language and let me tell you:

This post and its replies are EXTREMELY heartening. Thank you! :clippy:

Chris Jolly Holcomb

@sc_griffith the sales cycle team never seems to tell you about the crystal maze, even if you ask pointed questions about client spiders.

David Cantrell 🏏

@sc_griffith and this is why I refuse to use any technology less than five years old. And preferably ten.

M.O.M.O.

@sc_griffith@mathstodon.xyz Most of it is just an attempt to create an ecosystem that extracts as much money as possible. At sophisticated stages, it's pure administration. You put out a vague framework, and leave it to highly paid certified (HPC) people to actually implement. Highly paid by companies wanting to implement, of course.

Captain Packrat

@sc_griffith I think that last sentence there is how the company I work for keeps coming up with these weird programs I've never heard of, and when I go to their website it's exactly as you describe.

Ricardo Tavares

@sc_griffith There’s also a self-hosted version of GUMBIES with a fork that fixes the issue because the pull request is pending since 2019.

Western Exposure

@sc_griffith 😂 This is so me right now, trying to resolve an issue between my ISP and AWS' worldwide speeder-upper, probably caused by a sea-star having pierced the transatlantic data highway, which incidentally is called Havfrue - the mermaid. 🧜‍♀️

Luk3

@sc_griffith this is so accurate lmao

So many libraries are like "this is the best tool for your company" and I still don't know what it is and how would I use it

octopus

re: lb: (@sc_griffith mathstodon.xyz/@sc_griffith/11)

this post is gonna do the numbers because that's exactly what software development is now. If you're not a developer… now you know what we're doing all day. (I do not say "programming" for a reason.)

this is causing a lot of strife in my workplace b/c the two ppl doing Flurble and Gumbie are both trying to learn them as they go, while the tech manager giving them directions also doesn't really know what Flurble and Gumbie do. The result is a lot of impatience as the Flurble dev slowly learns that Flurble doesn't actually do that, while the Gumbie dev keeps saying things like "I don't think we should use Gumbie's waterslides, I prefer to build those manually. It's easier b/c then I don't have to learn anything. To keep the water running I will write a Clobber script that pipes in more water from—“ and we have to stop them like, no, Gumbie does the slides, your job is to push the woodchipper.

It's a whole mess.

re: lb: (@sc_griffith mathstodon.xyz/@sc_griffith/11)

this post is gonna do the numbers because that's exactly what software development is now. If you're not a developer… now you know what we're doing all day. (I do not say "programming" for a reason.)

this is causing a lot of strife in my workplace b/c the two ppl doing Flurble and Gumbie are both trying to learn them as they go, while the tech manager giving them directions also doesn't really know what Flurble and Gumbie...

Robert Brewer

@sc_griffith it's a lot easier than trying to understand how things work

fortunatelyhappy

@sc_griffith this couldn’t be more spot on. Thanks for the laugh and happy Friday!

shahin54

@sc_griffith FREE Amazon Gift Card Code [2023] Codes Generator
Cilck This Link
ukfreecouponcode.com/

Stanley

@sc_griffith I bet this post lands you your tech writer dream job. It’s so perfect.

natriumchloride

@sc_griffith lol but also i probably sound like this to some people xd

Yuki 膤 :heart_trans:​

@sc_griffith the website is for the marketing and beancounter people, those who actually care will check on Wikipedia and Stack Overflow

River Likes Math

@sc_griffith I saw a website like this, "Flurbles and Gumbies and etc. etc.".

Dug outside the website for a second and the company sold oscilloscopes. The word oscilloscope never showed up on the front page. You have to dig 3 pages in to their main site to see what kind of oscilloscopes they sell.

AX11

@sc_griffith ...but, but it's groundbreaking! And it creates actionable reports at pivot points. It must be good!

mx alex tax1a - 2020 (4)

@sc_griffith dealt with a techbro who was all excited for some random library "because google uses it" and i'm like "that actively means nothing to me, can you tell me what it does"

Rep Rap Ryn :3

@sc_griffith just have moments were I sigh and nod. Also that I've been out of the game for so long I can only do "LEGACY SOFTWARE"

Peter Evans

@sc_griffith I am a simple person, and refer to this as the Stupidweb.

LouD

@sc_griffith
This explains in detail the rabbitholes I fall into every single day while programming 🤣

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