@sc_griffith sharded shardless microserver architecture

@sc_griffith Your description reminds me of a short piece of speculative fiction I wrote inspired by the installation process for software I was working on at the time.
http://blog.superflippy.net/2015/11/instructions.html

@sc_griffith

@sc_griffith All the *real* documentation is at the opengumbies.gitnexus.io fork.

@sc_griffith You just have to install the compatibility library Bloingo released, then compile Gumbies 3.1 development version.

Perfectly intuitive.

@sc_griffith I feel this right in my core. TELL ME WHAT THE DAMN LIBRARY DOES!

@sc_griffith This. It is so great we don't need to tell you what it is for!

@sc_griffith god I hate those sites. Infinite web space given over to zero information.

WHAT

DO

YOU

DO

@sc_griffith that script of a movie? One that will have 3 people in the audience rolling on the floor laughing...only to be trampled by the rest of audience fleeing the theater.

@sc_griffith
Educational experiences all around- I have certainly read similar things with more lingo words than not- it's like a secret language about computer languages! The deep wikipedia dive sometimes yields informative results
@jenn

@sc_griffith @tforcworc Crying laughing. Oh no wait just crying

@sc_griffith the immense truth of this entire post is both very painful and incredibly hilarious lmao
captures the exact feeling of the last... i think three times i looked up something intending to use it on my website. "that sure was a sleek and flashy website but hell if i know what the software actually -does- or if it's what i'm looking for at all..."

@sc_griffith @oldskirt if i can't figure out what it is (or what it's for) by the bottom of the single-scroll site, i just give up. and that's why i don't have a job in programming lol.

@sc_griffith You are lucky if GUMBIES has any kind of a description. Often just a page of release notes for most recent version explaining the how new planar extrusions module replaces obsolete differential elastic sweeper. Unfortunately, you suspect, but can't confirm, that product you were intending to use it with requires the now obsolete sweeper.

Or GUMBIES just has an empty Readme.MD, last commit was 7 months ago and there were only two releases, most recent 3 years ago and 4 open old PRs.

@sc_griffith uhm excuse you, those people would never call themselves programmers, their title contains at least 7 words that aren't in any dictionary, and ends in an acronym.

@sc_griffith I'd pay good money to see Annald come back in a Gumbie suit to kill us all just after the rise of the machines. 🤣

@sc_griffith I worked at a tech startup during the dot-com implosiom. The company next door cratered. We went over to the auction preview. They had a 24-page company brochure with beautiful photographs and illustrations on very high quality paper, with translucent inserts and all kinds of amazing stuff, and after reading it I still had no f#$&ing clue what they did.
1/

@sc_griffith @fanf I wish I could pinpoint the moment when OSS project websites changed from "hacked together but generally information-dense even if the information is a bit odd sometimes" to "before even writing a single line of code we need a logo, a focus-groupped name and a website with lots of short sentences in large text with big gaps between them".

@sc_griffith divine!

@sc_griffith lol. I love Gumbies! Don’t tell me you’re one of those Bicep CSS proponents?

@sc_griffith this toot should win the pulitzer prize for literature

@sc_griffith This feels like my entire working life…

@sc_griffith This is disturbingly relatable. 😅

@sc_griffith

What an absolute mood.

I love it!

@sc_griffith why is this the funniest thing I've read since that fake Guy Fieri flavortown menu

@sc_griffith Is this a thread, or a post-modern collaborative novel? Exciting!

@sc_griffith @paco Why do people do this?
Every project should start with a quick, jargon free, description of the user problem you are trying to solve.
If you can't do that, maybe think about whether your fancy new framework or whatever is actually needed.

@sc_griffith I can't wait to start getting job offers that require 5 years of experience in Gumbies and Flurble, so I can add 10 mb of npm packages to the project and be forced to write YAML files to make anything work, while running a huge memory hungry development server.

Why all that, you ask? Well, to launch YiNYAF (YiNYAF Is Not Yet Another Framework)!

@sc_griffith
This is extremely accurate

@sc_griffith

Sounds like an actual playground with a big sand box and long twisty slide that makes you always land on your behind

@sc_griffith > the client spiders get stuck in the crystal maze

You know I think I've played that video game

@sc_griffith

The main solution to these programming problems is to ask anyone that adds external code to the project to be shot in a body part of their choice by the naval artillery of their choice

Naval artillery can solve most problems a jetpack can't solve

@sc_griffith Accurate.

@sc_griffith https://mastodon.social/@jplebreton/106846155991985038

@sc_griffith meanwhile I'd just have seen a toot boosted in my timeline like:

We're excited to release GUMBIES 3.0! 🎉

🔹 Entirely new sharding engine built with Xoombly ⛱️
🔹 Woodchips can now be floppy or lite with WindScreen support 🪵
🔹 Quizzical playgrounds with no extra components needed 👺

@sc_griffith I feel seen

@sc_griffith Sorry. My husband wrote that website.

@sc_griffith

@sc_griffith
They so are.

@sc_griffith 🤣

@sc_griffith Purchase the Omega Super Premium God Lord Galactic Emperor package and not only do you support a Free and Open Sourced Product Independent Family Company but you also get priority customer support!

@sc_griffith
"my amazon retroencabulator has decreased its througput in relation to the AWS RetroflexibleErgotismDefender, meaning a cost overhead of 5%" is what most fucking cloud shit sounds like

@sc_griffith
i wasn't born early enough to experience or remember when the web was simple, but that doesn't stop me from missing it!!!

@sc_griffith The other day my friend asked me "i'm not sure exactly what it is you do." I'll send him this so he knows.

@sc_griffith this is so true 😨

@sc_griffith I cannot put into words how happy this post has made me.

@sc_griffith
Similar take from industrial controls.
Tongue-in-cheek...
https://www.merlinsilk.com/rockwell-retro-encabulator/

@sc_griffith ^^^^ me as an OG web dev gone management working on spinning up a new personal site just for funsies

@sc_griffith ah yes, Kubernetes 😁

@sc_griffith This was exactly my experience trying to get up to speed with modern web frameworks with a previous background of only basic JS, html, and css as it existed in the early 2000s prior to the existence of the major UI JS frameworks. The website for like every new technology has so many marketing words without actually telling you what the thing is or why you would or wouldn’t want to use it.

@sc_griffith i want my team to get right to the chipping

@sc_griffith 🤣🤣🤣 Stop screen scraping my searches please.

@sc_griffith
in software development, a true understanding of woodchips workflows requires becoming one with the woodchipper.

(this is why I left software)

@sc_griffith lately in the news OpenGeVALT LLC (Open Generalized Variationally Linear Transformers, LLC) has embraced GUMBIES to secure its second round of FooBar (Meta)funding

@sc_griffith

I want to read your first novel.

@sc_griffith cc: @tpolecat who had a famous post like this

@sc_griffith true dat. I have an OpenShift error around an "untolerated taint". My preemption is apparently unhelpful, and I must seek a preemption victim for the incoming pod. To paraphrase Barack Obama: "come on, man."

@sc_griffith there is no standard lexicon, and pointless novelty

@sc_griffith@mathstodon.xyz Thats what they get for using Gumbies, which is proprietary. Had they used Moomba instead, which is open source and maintained by a passionate team who dedicates their free time to maintaining it, this wouldnt had happen.

(Then you look into the Moomba's website and you notice that the project is backed by at least two major corpos)

@sc_griffith that is exactly what being a programmer feels like today.
Can we please go back to the time when we wrote simple lines of code, had the code compile and then it just did what we asked it to do?
No Furble, Gumbies, Crystal Mazes or Bloingo. Just you, a text editor and the compiler.

@sc_griffith
I dunno about that conclusion. When I reach the end of a page of vapid tech marketspeak, I usually feel confused and maybe a little dirty, but not like I need the thing.

@sc_griffith so many years wasted fixing crystal maze related issues

@sc_griffith@mathstodon.xyz this shit is my daily struggle i'm grabbing my monitor yelling at them WHAT DO YOUR SOFTWARE DO

@sc_griffith@mathstodon.xyz

Shit like this is probably why there ain't that many tech entrepreneurs outside of the English-speaking world

@sc_griffith@mathstodon.xyz

inb4 muh racism, obviously Indian-diaspora #tech #billionaires are fluent in English. They were raised here for the most part