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If Liz Truss couldn’t outlast a head of lettuce, Tom Emmer failed to outlast an avocado.

Why doesn’t Elon charge people who don’t use Twitter, it’s a faster-growing market segment.

Trump can build up tolerance to prison. Here’s how.

Small gradual exposures to arraignments can help Trump build tolerance to the prospect of imprisonment, experts say.

Pro tip: Start every post with “my phone is about to die” and then you can end it whenever you want if you haven’t thought of a good

I don’t want to create a Threads account but to be polite I went ahead and sent Zuck all of my personal information.

Breaking: Congress limits Twitter alternatives to one per day.

Today I learned that MILF does not mean “Mastodonian I’d Like to Follow” and excuse me while I go back and edit several dozen posts.

Toyota is toying with an EV prototype that mimics driving a manual transmission, complete with a stick shift that doesn’t do anything and fake engine noises. Other technological holdovers we should preserve:

— Laptops have fake external dial-up modems that make loud squawking noises whenever you are online.

— Cellphones have large rotary dials mounted on top of the screen.

— Pressing a car accelerator plays a recording of a galloping horse and a person shouting “heeyaw!”

The best way to stick it to Elon is to boost my posts on Mastodon. That’s just science.

I bought a Mastodon blue checkmark but I’m hiding it.

I’m starting my own for-profit Mastodon instance. I’ll be serving up ads and selling data about you (three commas club here I come!), and I’m going to decide what you see, what the rules are (they may change!), and who can join (and be forewarned, I’ve been feeling a little alt-righty lately). Who’s in?!

NEW MASTODON USERS: If you are having trouble with Mastodon, try turning it Mastodoff and then Mastodon again.