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Top-level
 Giant Black man in the US decision tree 1) OK, this white man just accidentally cut in front of me. Should I even say anything? Or let it slide? 2) OK, I said something. Now he seems very angry! He thinks I am cutting him in line! Should I say anything? Or let it slide? 3) OK, Karen just yelled at both of us to "Shut up" Should I just shut up? 4) OK, she called security on me. Should I stick around? Or is the smart move to leave now? Answers to questions are governed by my situational power 19 comments
Just to maintain sanity, the answer is almost always "let it slide." 🤷🏿♂️ Has to be.  @mekkaokereke Thanks for talking through this. I have a really hard time finding the right balance of risk in engaging vs risk of losing myself in advocating for myself too rarely. @mekkaokereke I'm Canadian. I hear about racism and other safety issues in the US all the time, and yet my father, who worked in the USA in the '90s, still has the belief that it's a promised land that's absolutely perfect with no problems, just because of money. Canada may be having its troubles right now, but I feel much, much more safer and welcomed here than I would in the US, especially the US of today. Seriously, I have no idea how you all manage to deal with this on a daily basis.  @mekkaokereke I’m sorry that happened to you, it’s fucked up. And even more so, I’m sorry it probably isn’t even that unusual of a situation.  @mekkaokereke Always great when a racist piece of shit discovers not every white person is on board with their injustice. Crashing into cold hard reality. @mekkaokereke While I wouldn't compare out struggles, as a butch trans woman I feel this. A trans woman I know was hate-crimed by hotel security in full view of everyone, and nobody did anything. She ended up in the hospital. I know a butch woman who's been assaulted by straight women for wanting to use the women's bathroom, and security did absolutely nothing about it. In a gay bar. The moment security gets involved, I'm going into "let it slide" mode. The stakes are too high.  @mekkaokereke so glad you’re safe. It’s nice when you get a glimmer of hope in humanity :) @mekkaokereke Very sorry to read this story, but I am glad it had a better ending. Much love to you and your family. @mekkaokereke oof, that situation sucks green fuzzy rocks and I’m glad that you weren’t harmed further and folks had your back. @mekkaokereke My protective attitude toward my new Mastodon acquaintances indicates that you may wish to disappear for now ... and maybe exact revenge later, both on the white dude and spiteful Karen. @mekkaokereke My temper, AKA less self control, is part of my white privilege.  I am SO GLAD there were white witness allies that stuck around. The hotel security with their video evidence probably still would have ended up at the same conclusion, but more public allies in the mix always helps. White allies, you have way more power in regular situations like this than you think. (And yes, it's rather regular, sadly.) @mekkaokereke No comfort, but I hate that you have to weigh up your actions in this way. I know this is your reality. I also know I'll never fully understand because no matter how appalled I am, I'm not the one 'feeling' it, experiencing it. I'm sorry I have nothing but my solidarity to offer. Go well. |
Gregory's Server
@mekkaokereke Stick around. Security guards aren't police in most areas. The most they can do is be a pain in the ass. As easier said than done as this is, just don't lose your cool. Don't give the guard or the other two people one bit of power over you.