@siege I had a similar experience. I still have my penis. It's average, but cute. Nothing to be ashamed of, for sure. And it's always done what I needed it to.

Starting transition, I thought I was happy with it. I wouldn't bother with surgery.

But about 6 months into transition, I looked in the mirror and saw a beautiful woman...with something that didn't belong between her legs.

Not to discredit women who keep theirs of course. But for me, it doesn't belong. It's not who I am. And it's not who I want to be.

Once I acknowledged that, I started to realize the other sensations I have in that area that are unique to my experience - phantom vagina. I'm wired to have a vagina. And I won't feel whole until I do.

And it's about me. Not anyone else. I need this for me, and my happiness. And that can be a tough thing to come to terms with.

@siege I had a similar experience. I was more endowed than many, and the few straight passing relationships I had before I came out, I was told that was attractive and desirable. But I didn’t feel it. I went into transition feeling like I wouldn’t need to have surgery, because I didn’t *hate* it, but I also didn’t love it. 

The more intimate I was with queer partners, the more I realized there was a lot of dysphoria there that I had been masking because others valued it. So I had bottom surgery last July, and it’s been one of the best things to ever happen to me. I’m no longer ashamed of my body, and intimacy feels better, both in a physical “these sensations are way more intense and way more fun” way and in a metaphysical “this feels right” way. 

I have a shallow depth, about 3”, which is more than enough for my uses, and it meant healing was much less complex because just the shaft had to be used to build it. Instead of using the material to get the biggest possible depth, it instead got used to make pretty labia minora. 

There hasn’t been a day I’ve woken up this past year where I wasn’t grateful I could have this. Sometimes we just don’t know until we know, you know?