Gregory's ServerI regret to report that the secret to making friends in your 30s is to go out and do things and then ask the people there if they would like to go out again and do more things
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77 comments
  No. By the time of your 60's and beyond... Leave me the fuck alone, get out of my face, I don't need/want your drama, I don't want you to drag me to be social, I'm more than happy entertaining myself, and get off my lawn. Said as a 60+er...     @VeryBadLlama That’s right! Get out of the house you losers! *goes back to doom scrolling * @VeryBadLlama That sounds... hard. New plan: have a child, force said child into activities, small talk with parents of other children, try to become friends with the parents of child. @justinf @VeryBadLlama That would still probably require going out and meeting people in order to meet someone, fall in love, maybe get married, and have a child with. @justinf @VeryBadLlama One must be careful with this, though. I always have to do some FB creeping with my kid's friends' parents, to make sure they're not gun-hoarding, Trump-voting religious zealots who might hunt down our very queer family. @justinf @VeryBadLlama We're in the Seattle metro, so we definitely have had good luck so far. But there are still the occasional Trump trucks and houses flying the Gadsden flags even here. Sigh....  @justinf @VeryBadLlama I tried and it's worse: you end up being randomly matched with people you have nothing in common except having a child doing the same activity as yours, it's soul-rending.
@justinf @VeryBadLlama i tried having a kid but unfortunately this still involves going out and doing things 😐  @justinf @VeryBadLlama Much easier to get a dog and meet all the "dog parents" at the local dog run.  @VeryBadLlama my wife and I started a community board game night over a decade ago in our late 40s. I have made some of the closest friends of my life from that group. It's been worth the effort.  @VeryBadLlama i'm very unhappy about the fact that in order to have friends I need to coordinate a week in advance, commit to a timeschedule, be ready to leave the house on time, socialize for many hours and participate in activities. And somehow this is considered fun. I have made friends, I don't like it. Would rather stay home and watch videos.  @alexisdyslexic @VeryBadLlama For real though, my family and I make it a point to keep our schedule as clear as possible so we can do things with people we like. Unfortunately, very few of the people we like also keep their schedules clear. The drive to always be on the go and doing all the activities seems to have infected most of our friends. 🫤 @courtcan @VeryBadLlama yeah, I mean I didn't not have fun, but it was a 5 hr time commitment, an hour & 1/2 being in the car and a week of texting. I just prefer choosing activities the day of or choosing what to do based on mood & weather.  @VeryBadLlama  Hard but rewarding when it works out. However, if you are an introvert like me, be honest with yourself about the amount of social energy you have for the week and don't burn yourself out. Making human connection is beautiful, but don't ruin it by getting grumpy and hard to be around because you pushed too hard and ran your gage into the red.   @VeryBadLlama There has to be a better way. What if... we brought back community spaces? Unions in community centers and parks? I'm just spitballing here. @argenis @VeryBadLlama bringing back community spaces can be one of the things xou go out snd do :blobCat_uwu_smile: @VeryBadLlama Suddenly I begin to understand the coffee hour after service concluded. After enough of that, you might invite some of the people you meet there into your home to play... Bridge. There, I said it.  @VeryBadLlama Starting in your 30s, it is ten times more expensive to sign up a new friend than it is to keep an existing one. @VeryBadLlama WARNING: this only intensifies when you're in your 40s. Please do not harm the messenger. 😫🖖 @VeryBadLlama LIES. it's go online and try to convince strangers on the Internet that you're not a serial killer and perfectly willing to meet irl in a publicly accessible spot with a crowd @VeryBadLlama what's the secret to making friends when you're not able to go out there?  @AzureKingfisher throw money at bumble (and similar companies) which service it is to "bring people together" @VeryBadLlama i want to be locked in a room for at least 8 hours a day with strangers that have completely different opinions and ideas about life. a person in front of us indoctrinating us on the society policies that rates me and my response on a scale. at the end of the day friendship is the result of solidarity against a common enemy. oh wait no this is school.  @VeryBadLlama@mas.to I personally do not relate to the notion of "making friends as an adult is hard" at all. I think it has never been easier, I only has a hard time making friends as a kid.  @VeryBadLlama This is also the secret to dating. Once you're meeting people and talking to them, some of those relationships turn out more intimate than others. Figured it out in my mid-20s, had an absolutely fantastic year of carnal debauchery which ended when I proposed to a particularly fun and interesting woman I met online! Apparently swiping on apps is a lot less fun.   @VeryBadLlama if you are lucky, the people who organized those things will keep doing so, which lowers the risk of having to do the asking part. www.youtube.com/@flashchorus @VeryBadLlama And then you get Covid from all that ‘socialising’, and you become so dumb and forgetful that you lose all your new friends. 🤦♂️ @VeryBadLlama too hard. Just wait til you’re 55 and you’ll be declining invitations so you can be by yourself enjoying your tea and books.  @VeryBadLlama Same with « Junior workers need to return to office to have face time. Important for career building. Seniors can work from home. » Found that piece of ageism also already here around, that Wfh is only ideal for senior devs.  @VeryBadLlama would be way easier if we weren't in a pandemic that roughly nobody wants to deal with @VeryBadLlama  @VeryBadLlama This is also the secret to dating - with the caveat that you don’t date the people you meet while you’re doing those things you enjoy, you date their friends, so doing the things you like doesn’t become weird if the dates end strangely. :) @VeryBadLlama this also applies when your in your 60', 70's, 80's and beyond. It's even more important after you retire. @VeryBadLlama No way José. There may be an easier way though. Pick a place you like, visit until you become a fixture. They will come to you. It's your issue thereafter.  @VeryBadLlama @corbden I liked it better when they crammed us into a brick building for eight hours every day and forced artificial commonalities onto us due to hourly subject changes.  @VeryBadLlama@mas.to People are just scary, I really don't know as an autistic person how to start a talking to people. Like I can't really go up to someone and be like "Do you know what the Fediverse is". |
@VeryBadLlama Urgh. No thank you.