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4 posts total
Brian Bilston

I’m fed up with people pointing out all the mistakes in my poetry so I’ve written them this poem; it’s called ‘Pedant’s’.

Pedant’s
 
Foot soldiers in the War on Error,
They’re here to save us from ourselves,
With Fowler’s Modern English Usage
(first edition, nineteen twelve).
 
They scrutinise each word we write
For typos, gaffes, et cetera,
Correcting all the dumb mistakes
To make our grammar betterer.
 
They sigh and tut and tell us off
For the rules we have forsaken
And chart this nation’s steep decline
By the care we should of taken.
 
Custodians of the King’s English,
They merely serve to keep it pure
And restrict, they hope, the ignorant
To three mistakes or less.
 
And in doing so, they hold no fear
they will deprive a thing of life:
for it’s not important what is said,
what matters is that its right.
 

Brian Bilton
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FenAesirs

@brianbilston @FenAesirs My brother is a primary school teacher and says he's going to be framing this on his desk and distributing it in the staff room. Well done. :P

Dimples

@brianbilston life is full of perceived errors that lead us down alternate paths than we’d have taken had we course corrected to fix the mistake.

This is living, the radical act of being fully alive.

Who is to say that is wrong? It’s far more likely language policing will end someone’s love of creating than making the effort to understand the intent, and the joy at the expression of that intent.

Brian Bilston

Today’s poem consists of popular searches on Google to do with Christmas. It’s called ‘Christmas in the Age of Google’.

Christmas in the Age of Google
 
is christmas in the bible
why does christmas make me cry
is christmas dinner tax deductible
do christmas elves ever die
 
christmas is a time for giving
christmas is a load of crap
christmas is a coming
and the geese are getting fat
 
can christmas pudding make you drunk
can christmas lights kill a cat
can christmas island crabs be eaten
is christmas skins coming back
 
christmas is a hippopotamus
christmas is a rockin time
christmas is a proper noun
christmas is a state of mind
 
is christmas getting too commercial
is christmas celebrated in Peru
is chris packham related to jools holland
is christmas music bad for you
 
christmas is all around bill nighy
christmas is a time to share
christmas is just around the corner
christmas is in the air


Brian Bilston
Brian Bilston

Today’s poem concerns a ritual I go through on a number of occasions each December.

It’s called ‘On Searching for a Book of Stamps’.

On Searching for a Book of Stamps
 
check in wallet
check once more
hunt through bag
look in drawer
 
feel coat pockets
peer in pot
rifle desk
find them not
 
shake out shoes
lift up hat
inspect fridge
ask the cat
 
scour the shelves
peek in purse
turn out cupboards
swear & curse
 
go to shop
buy new stamps
put in wallet
next to stamps


Brian Bilston
Barry

@brianbilston Find old ones, discover they aren’t The Sort The Mail Accepts This Year. Grr.

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