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Thinking about touhou families the scarlet devil mansion is that one friend group who lives in like a huge fucking place the whole Polycule, half of them are engaged in some 24/7 cosplay or kink stuff you think, you can't quite tell where the money comes from but there's a fucking lot of it they're probably trust fund kids but they might also have murdered someone. great fuckin parties, but also not really trustworthy in any way. Always has the best new technology 30 comments
Youmu is your friend you've known forever who's genuinely very cool and you're glad you finally get to see more of but oh my god that girl she's dating... You want to grab your friend and be like "you're too good for her" but the last time you even suggested something like that she literally threatened you with a sword. Is she just being manipulated? Is there something you don't see? Well, you're glad she's here anyways, and hope her girlfriend doesn't come to your parties and eat your leftovers reimu and marisa have been gay married for as long as you can remember. they break up and get back together every once in a while. marisa is seeing like 5 other people. reimu could be dating half the town if she could rein in her anger issues. if they ever TRULY broke up you think the world would crumble, but instead they just act like an old married couple yukari sucks ass. she's literally always a problem. every time you've seen her she stresses you out. she has a girl in a 24/7 d/s thing and THAT girl has ANOTHER girl in a 24/7 d/s thing beneath HER. you can't tell if she's actually reimu's mom, if reimu calls her mom because she's just Like That, if reimu calls her mom as a kink thing, or what the fuck is going on over there, it worries you a bit. you will never ask for more info because yukari could actually kill you. and probably would her ex kasen is pretty great tho, although kasen keeps noticing random people and being like "oh god my fucking ex" and you're not sure how she got in so many terrible, terrible, terrible relationships she's a really nice lady, a much better mom for reimu then that other asshole her other ex you've never met and you're pretty glad about that girl seems like a fucking nightmare????? The Eientei crew are like what the SDM crew would be if they were more fucking normal, which is saying something given how weird they are. You've got your trans bunnygirl, your lesbian with an Actual Serious Medical Job who can make *actual money*, your Gremlin, your lazy lesbian who used to be rich but left because her parents sucked ...oh and her rival who shows up everywhere she is to fight her. you didn't think a high femme could fight so mean against a butch like that. pretty hot. sanae is just reimu if her moms were normal and not divorced and she was able to eat 3 meals a day and have loving parents and play nintendo 64. best place to hang. her mom is always trying to sell you something it seems and her other mom is weird and acts like a frog but they fight in a way that like... is loving, as opposed to so many other exes in town. she's kind of annoying tho. no escaping that. she's just a little bit annoying. girl has it TOO good. former hell is just one very very autistic girl, her very very adhd sister, and their weird pets. yeah the pets are girls but that's not really important, it's one of the only times in touhou that's true and it probably isn't a kink thing. Myouren Temple is a mouse furry, a buff girl, a girl obsessed with naval history, and a religious tiger furry who are all like *actually* extremely religious about their girlfriend who is the nicest person you've ever met??? if any of these women weren't her girlfriends you think they'd probably beat you up but instead they just want to tell you about that time their girlfriend saved their life. they're maybe TOO devoted honestly. like a little while ago their girlfriend invited a new girl to the polycule house becuase she had nowhere else to go, and that girl SUCKS and you can tell this might not have been the best decision but all of them are like 😬 we're so happy she'll grow just like we have 😬 and their girlfriend is like "oh but she didn't have anywhere to go... we have to take care of her" and said girl spends 4 hours in the bathroom every day doin Something fucked up. @junebug missed the "their" and context there and thought it was an account of something you were going through and whew @junebug new girl hogging the bathroom for four hours daily is like laser targetted to make me clench my teeth until they shatter lmao The taoism crew are like what if the previous polycule was more toxic. You got a doggirl (perfect and wonderful but way too loud), a literal zombie (shockingly normal for that), the world's worst woman (oh my god she's SO awful), an absolute huge idiot, and their transgender leader. And when i say leader i mean it, they keep scheming to do random weird shit. Sort of group who decides to have someone run for office. Taoism crew closest to seattle shrike crew. They're in a constant war with the temple group because the temple group is like "people should join our polycule because we're nice and loving" and the taoist crew is like "people will join our polycule once they HEAR about our GENIUS IDEAS for LEFTIST LEADERSHIP". they'd both be a lot more effective if they could stop fighting. there isn't really a "group" for double dealing charcter, just an actually very toxic shithead who started dating the cutest girl you've ever met and then ditched her to get fucked. said girl lived with reimu for a while after cause she had nowhere to go. oh no wait, there's also the tools. bunch of leftist mechanics and makerspace sorta people who talk about overthrowing the govt like it's not a joke. The moon: we don't talk about the moon. toxic. bad. evil. there is that other group tho. junko and hecatia would be a lot cuter if they weren't like... actually murderous? like. the sort of person who's like "i'm going to kill that bitch who hurt me" and you suddenly reailze that she owns a gun for an actual reason, she's not joking, and neither is her otherwise very charming girlfriend their kid is weird but it's cool they have a kid. hidden star in four seasons: the first genuinely, maybe like Actually Not Okay kink you've seen so far! those girls seem. too happy to be Literally Owned by yukari's ex. You're more then a bit worried. you won't say shit cause she could kill you as much as yukari could. Hey, at least reimu got a little sister/dog from all of this. she's great. The beast gangs in hell have this whole like, "hot girls constantly fighting each other" and it would be REALLY COOL and sexy if they weren't like Actual Facists? oof. maybe they'll get better someday. meanwhile the crafty girl and her girlfriend are... very cool, although a little bit *too* into the whole empty spaces-doll thing? like. it might not be a bit to them. they might actually want to turn everyone into dolls. lets not talk about the PLOT of this game. touhou 18 is like the exact experience of "hot girl comes up with a business idea, attracts a crew of local artists and cool people and sometimes awful hangers on and other stuff, they make the coolest shit and then extremely shortly after their big launch the entire thing explodes into the most drama imaginable because every single one of these bitches CANNOT turn off the drama part of their brain" the tengu aren't really a polycule as much as they're like an actual corporation. people there sometimes date but it's toxic girlboss workplace shit. the kappa aren't really a corporation as much as they're like an actual polycule. completely unable to make money and awake at the weirdest hours of the day to work on assorted projects. great for computer repair. bad for getting your computer back without linux installed now tenshi/shion are the like. most annoyingly miserable girl you know with the worst luck dating the msot annoyingly egotistical girl you know who has never had anything go wrong for her in her whole life and somehow it's really cute? it's cute from a distance, you don't want to talk to either of them, but like. you're glad someone can pay for shion's medical bills at least and they're actually v charming when they aren't near you okay that's all the polycules and obvious relationships i can think of in touhou @junebug which bullet patterns are dating? @junebug (witch bullet patterns are dating!) @junebug @junebug sounds like a toxic version of Mystia’s Izakaya |
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of these sakuya is like the one person in your group chats who you actually talk to on a regular basis and she's quite smart and cool, very intelligent, good to know. And every time she mentions what's going on at home she says it completely casually and it's the most bonkers shit you've ever heard. "Apologies, I cannot continue watching Kamen rider, I have to go clean the ceiling, there's superheated blood all over it" what the fuck happened over there Jesus