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Dgar

Dungeons and Dragons is a role-playing game that lets you live out such fantasies as:
• Having money
• Making close friends as an adult
• Travelling the world without crippling debt
• Being able to change the world
• Getting better at something with practice
• Getting 8 hours of sleep each night

120 comments
Ogie Ogilthorpe

@dgar

That last one only applies for long resting. Short rest (unless you’re an elf) requires you to roll hit dice to gain back HP.

I have no idea of why I found this important to point out.

#DND

Mark Gardner

@dgar The #DnD fantasy starts the moment your players say they’ll all show up on a regular schedule

#TTRPG

JohnW

@mjgardner @dgar

There's a high crossover with band practice for this one too!

JohnW

@mjgardner @dgar

That's a good word for it. The ones who needed the most practice were the ones who showed up the least.

Catsnfats

@dgar no wonder it scared the housewives of the ‘80’s!

Em :official_verified:

@LoganFive @michaelgemar @dgar I once played a cleric who was charging the other players for each healing spell. He was not loved.

blogscot 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

@Em0nM4stodon @LoganFive @michaelgemar @dgar

I would have had the group throw the character off a cliff with the words "cure that one for free".

Dgar

@blogscot @LoganFive @Em0nM4stodon @michaelgemar
Cleric is on retainer and won’t be taking a share in the treasure. 👨‍⚖️

Em :official_verified:

@blogscot @LoganFive @michaelgemar @dgar Hahahaha! It was only a matter of time until that happen honestly 😂

Skro

@Em0nM4stodon @LoganFive @michaelgemar @dgar I have a guild mate who has a (hefty) PPR (pay-per-rezz) fee for everyone but the tank...

Pseudo Nym

@Em0nM4stodon @LoganFive @michaelgemar @dgar

As game master, I gave the party an NPC cleric as nobody wanted to play the healer.

He had them sign a magical contract, that the players didn't realize could let him undo his healing if they didn't pay him.

He took wounds off them, put them on himself, then inflicted them as an attack on others to heal himself.

That was a fun NPC.

Pseudo Nym

@Em0nM4stodon @LoganFive @michaelgemar @dgar

Glad you approve. :⁠-⁠)

I even wrote it out as a real prop and had the players sign it.

The verbiage I came up with sounded like "you'll agree to pay for services rendered with an equal share of party split" or something like that, with the caveat of "cessation of services rendered" (past tense) or something that if they broke the contract.

I think I made the god one of healing and death, as healing always seemed way closer to necromancy. #ttrpg

Em :official_verified:

@pseudonym @LoganFive @michaelgemar @dgar

Hahaha this is awesome. A good lesson on being mindful of what contract one signs... I love it 😁

Pseudo Nym

@Em0nM4stodon @LoganFive @michaelgemar @dgar

Aww, thanks. I love sharing #ttrpg stories. I ran a con panel many years ago called "So there I was..." Where I started it off sharing a few stories like this, and the old Usenet lore of the "Gazebo" and "Head of Vecna" tales, and then had the audience contribute their own stories. It was a blast.

Pseudo Nym

@Em0nM4stodon @LoganFive @michaelgemar @dgar

One of the most difficult ones to run was a space game. I started with the crew and sentient ship mind-wiped for the last few days, with a pile of money in the galley and a recorded message from the characters earlier selves saying they had taken a job, been paid well, and agreed to the mind wipe. Take the money and go.

Of course they didn't. I ran flash backs in media res.

Fun letting them figure out what they did.

Em :official_verified:

@pseudonym

Wow that is a fantastic intro haha! Pretty convenient for a DM as well hehe 😏

Pseudo Nym replied to Em

@Em0nM4stodon

Convenient?? Hardly the word I'd use.

I let the players role play the flash backs, when the players didn't yet know what happened, so had to tread carefully with plot armor to make the pieces I had revealed still valid.

Bandages with blood and an injured character at the start, I've got to get them into a non fatal fight in one of the flash backs.

Best mysterious clue was unknown initials on the high score of the "game pack" the Android PC had installed inside its memory.

Michael Gemar

@pseudonym @Em0nM4stodon @LoganFive @dgar I like the notion that healing and wounding are two sides of the same coin.

What system was this?

Pseudo Nym

@Em0nM4stodon @michaelgemar @LoganFive @dgar

Yup. That was the build. He was true neutral, following a god that key him channel both

Em :official_verified:

@pseudonym @michaelgemar @LoganFive @dgar See. I've never trusted True Neutrals, now you are confirming my bias ;) Haha super fun game idea though 😄

Pseudo Nym

@michaelgemar @Em0nM4stodon @LoganFive @dgar

Yeah, was probably d&d 3. Maybe 3.5 Was many years ago. A bit of GM fiat may have been involved.

Etherbloom

@dgar It, ironically, seems to help tremendously with number 2.

LangerJan

@dgar
* Speaking multiple languages
* Make a living as a freelancer

clay anderson 🇺🇦🇮🇱🔰🥑🌐🚲🗽☢️

@dgar I've done all of those things by just applying myself in this incredibly rich world full of opportunity at every turn.

Everyday.Human Derek

@dgar
Sleeps been a bit hard lately. It takes a lot of energy and self care. I have honestly having more fun just sitting with a tree. Or a bee Or a cat! But I don’t know if I can get 8 hours sleep. I think I need to just get more exercise. But I do love the fun of it. And I love community! There a TTRPG group I love but I’ve been busy.

Loria

@dgar
Well all depends on the Setup/World/campaign you "play" ;)

flarion

@dgar petition to introduce short rest and long rest irl

Tanguy ⧓ Herrmann

@dgar the last one hit hard.
Except I realized I always played Elf.
I guess I doomed myself to 4h transes per night instead of 8h restful nights. 🤣🧝‍♂️

Mike

@dgar

Not to mention slaughtering vast numbers of goblins, orcs, golems, and other humanoid monsters, along with the odd evil sorcerer, demigod, or mythical creature
I think this was the main attraction ....

toa5t

@dgar @phil_stevens taking violent retribution on the person who wronged you and getting away with it.

KatLS

@toa5t @dgar @phil_stevens unless your dm is into complicated world building and punishes violence; encouraging diplomacy and cooperation instead. They exist…

Mer-fOKxTOwl

@dgar now the question is, is it a ploy by rich people to get everyone else to flee into the fantasy world.
Or is it an anarchist movement to get everyone to see the nice things and train to revolt against the rich idiots.

Klaus Stein

@dgar Oh, and sleeping is refreshing and healing :-)

Saving throws anyone? ;-)

INTENTIONALLY blank

@dgar

😁😆😅😂🥲😭 <--- stages of reading this post

Gramy na Macu

@dgar should be wrapped with “The game according to the imagine reality only. Don’t try it for you and your job safety” 😅

Frank

@dgar and understanding what a 20/20 means

Voron

@dgar killing people & taking their stuff while being applauded for it 🤷‍♂️

Wouter "wouter215" Minten

@dgar • I have no money
• I don't have time to make friends now that I am an adult
• I never travel and I still have crippling debt
• My life's influence on this planet is immeasurably insignificant
• I've had the same job for 15 years+ and I still don't know what I'm doing
• I can't even fantasize about 8 hours of sleep

feli

@dgar Going a doctor aka healer aka priest and they just fix you to full best health within a blink of an eye.

kopio

@dgar The Best thing in dnd is that when it's time to sleep, you just sleep, no such thing as insomnia.

AuthorKatieOslow

@dgar The only reason I can't do magic is that I haven't had a long rest in over 30 years

Extinction Studies

@KatieOslow @dgar

It also prepares us for a feudal future and the death of capitalism. Plus, many gods, all potential enemies. And all your nightmares are actually daydreams.

SiliconFarmer

@dgar
Have 3 or 4 coworkers that will usually but not reliably help with tasks, after arguing about it for an hour,

A boss that gives you vague and misleading assignments that are much harder than described,

A large number of folk that will do whatever they can to interfere with the completion of your tasks.

Emi:emi_blahaj:

@dgar

….

• Being assigned preferred pronouns at birth

p

- You have been waylaid by enemies and must defend yourself.
@dgar

SuperDicq

@dgar@aus.social One thing you should take away from D&D is that you can not use all your abilities if you don't get a full rest. This is true in the real world too.

PJ Coffey

@dgar

Being fluent in multiple languages...

Grumpy

@dgar - regarding rest, as the DM, I will only say there is a reason the party posts guards every rest and occasionally a PC will forgo a rest. <evil laugh/>

tauli

@dgar getting better at something with practice is how real life works, too. Most people just don‘t want to practice.

Dan Curtis Johnson

@dgar I recently read Graeber's DEBT: THE FIRST FIVE THOUSAND YEARS and now honestly, ever since, the most fantastical idea in all of D&D is that everything is done cash-settled using minted coins.

Ame the Squirrel :dns:

@dgar @martinisoft don’t forget being able to make a good living as a freelancer

Ann H

@dgar @gryphius Also not having to eat vegetables and there’s no health consequences.

Anomnomnomaly

@dgar

Always being a Bard and attempting to seduce everything and everyone you meet on your journey.

NadiaPurge

@dgar waking up from a nap to summon the largest aquatic creature in existence inside a dry cave so you and your whole party could get away from an insurmountable conflict unscathed.

Lizard

@dgar Yeah, 8 hours, unless the idiots on watch hear a pounding on the (locked, spiked) door and decide to open it "in case someone needed help" and let in an owlbear infested with stirges.

Not that I'm *bitter* about that incident, or anything.

Fábio Costa 🐇🕐🎩☕

@dgar and some still use it as gate to incel/MGTOW culture

Suzanne she/her

@dgar also being able to heal your body bc there aren’t things like autoimmune disorders and long covid.

Urban Hermit

@dgar you win the internet. This is single handedly the best observation you have ever written. Favorited, boosted, bookmarked, and now I have come back to comment on it. Instead of struggling to have an acceptable life, I am just going to start role playing one, because gaming is something I know I am good at.

Dgar

@Urban_Hermit
Thank you, but I didn’t write this. Sorry I don’t know who the original author is.
It’s also makes me a little sad at how popular this toot is, because these things really shouldn’t be complete fantasy.

Delta Wye

@dgar “Failed the last saving throw. Give me your character sheet.”

(Rips in half)

(Relieved sigh) “Ah, fucking finally…”

Ashley Lanese

@dgar hi! I found you in the mermaid hashtag! I’m writing a #mermaid book series! If your interested you should follow me! I’ll follow back! 👩🏻‍💻🧜‍♀️💬📚

Carl Muckenhoupt

@dgar I've said elsewhere that one of its main wish-fulfilment elements for its players is that you can make Charisma your dump stat without suffering any significant consequences

Enema Cowboy

@dgar
Clerics experience consequences for straying from The Faith.

dereisenhofer

@dgar You also die horrible deaths. Lots of horrible deaths. 😊

Julianoë

@dgar you know it's a fantasy game because you can just decide you want a "long rest" to have it.

ijw

@dgar @cstross

- Being assigned a task, and completing that task

JeffBeeler

@dgar in Traveller you get to do all that in the Future!

Andomonir

@dgar it's point 4 that always attracted me.

Kari Perttula

@dgar
I guess you all allready know the webcomic "Full Frontal Nerdity".
😉

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