Gregory's ServerI find it so hard to deal with death. That someone can pass into history, to switch from subject to object. That they can be talked about but no longer talk about. I keep replaying the last few weeks in my head, wishing I'd said more, wishing I'd leaned in for just one more final hug, wishing I'd asked more about their time and what it all meant to them. There will be no more photos, no more laughs, no more funny stories. Everything they were, frozen in time's eternal winter.
 8 comments | Expand all CWs
 @jsbarretto If it can be of any help sadly death is PART of life too, and that's one point it's ONE event part of it, like birth. But we should always keep in mind that "life" is all that's between birth and death not just "the extremes start and end points". If you wish to believe in "a different point of view" then even death is not "the end of all" is again "another event that leads to another" so things continue to evolve, they are NOT "frozen" they are still mutating.  @jsbarretto years after my dad's death I still find myself wondering things about him, his life etc. When I was with him those thoughts just didn't occur to me. Mum is beyond asking now too. 🤷♂️ @happyborg I hope you've found ways to come to terms with it. It's bizarre to imagine how much information is lost to time in the heads of those that leave us, in a society where we so obsessively catalogue and record everything. @jsbarretto yes thanks. I wish the same for you too. I'm ok with this. It reconnects my with the loss to think about it, but within that also is the love. So I get to remember that and smile while thinking about both my parents. It boggles me to think back to being a boy, remember them and realise how young they were - thirty years younger than I am now - as I recall those times. It can get quite philosophical too, but these days I tend to just enjoy remembering. @happyborg I'm looking forward to that 'plateau of stability' in my own life with respect to the person I mention, where I can look back with a smile, as you do. @jsbarretto it takes time. All the pain is I think a reflection of the love and specialness you had and feels like it is gone. But IME it isn't gone. I'm not really sure what has gone because so much is left inside us. When dad died, for months my memory of him was vivid, alive and as if I'd just seen him. I knew that would change at some point but it took quite a while, seeming as if he was still there. For mum that took far longer. She would chat to him every day. ❤️ |
@jsbarretto I have had a similar experience. I lost a friend I've had for almost 50 years. Odd we won't talk again. It is taking me time to process.