@aral I'm not really advocating for sabotage, I've muddled two thought streams there. My main point is that I do find that there is still value there and I'm questioning whether and how my own behaviour has contributed to the toxicity and how I might do things differently.

I too believe that creation is the better choice and I've also tried to build and live the world that I want to see, although in a different domain. Interrogating my own instincts and behaviours is part of my growth journey.

@aral @yukinosaru agreed - trying to change a broken system from within generally sees the idealists who go into it with that aim (to justify the pangs of conscience felt when taking such highly remunerated roles) ground down & recast as a rationalising apologist, redefining 'good' so that it includes them and their behaviour. Extreme cognitive dissonance. I've seen it many times over the last 20 years. The system sabotages idealists with far greater certainty than idealists sabotage the system.