In practice it's complicated by the fact that these panels update two lines at once. Every time you update a column in the outer half, you're also updating one in the inner half. I couldn't find a simple procedural update strategy to spread these evenly, so I ended up generating a lookup table for it using simulated annealing.
First test of the new design, and already I’m happy. Quiet, high refresh rate, and doesn’t feel like it’s seconds away from embedding itself in my face.