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#WorstAlbumCovers 6/13

Artist: unknown
Album: unknown

Three bald, bearded men are standing naked. They are semi-covered by giant palm leaves.

That's it. That's the toot.

Artist: Tom Jones
Album: The Best of

It's not only obscure Armenian and Swedish bands in the collection.

In this one Tom Jones is staring straight out of the album cover. He has suffered an unfortunate clothing malfunction which has left his chest exposed and a large crucifix medallion is visible.

For reasons best know to Tom and his photographer, he appears to be painted in red paint.

Artist: Anna Moffo
Album: ... Sings Bellini, Donizetti, Rossini & Verdi

How better to illustrate an album of classic Italian opera than with err, a ladle full of tomato sauce being poured over a plate of spaghetti. Genius!

Artist: Elvis Presley
Album: You Don't Have To Say You Love Me

A poorly-drawn pencil image of Elvis singing into a microphone is partially obscured by a poorly-drawn pencil image of Elvis in a loincloth with a leopard draped over his shoulders.

Like 17 November at 15:46 | Open on social.chatty.monster

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👻👻 Flippin' spook, Tucker!

#WorstAlbumCovers 7/13

Artist: Unknown
Album: How to Buy Meat

A woman in a "take me seriously" business suit is pointing meaningfully at a large piece of meat.

Artist: Freddie Gage
Album: All My Friends Are Dead

A man is crouching down. He is wearing black trousers, a white shirt with a white tie (not the best choice Freddie, I have to say) and white ankle length boots. Why is Freddie crouching down? Because he is in front of a gravestone. Presumably all his friends are in that grave. Freddie didn't have many friends. Now he has even fewer. Poor Freddie.

Artist: Joe Atkinson
Album: I Have One Song

Despite his admittedy frank and honest admission, Joe has nevertheless managed to put out a full album here. Well done Joe, that's the spirit!

Artist: Anton
Album: Why Do I Sing?

I don't know Anton. I really don't.

But to ensure we get the message, the album cover shows not one but two pictures of Anton. In one of them he is sitting, with a black/red checked lumberjack shirt, blue jeans and, erm, Ogg boots? In the other it's a head shot of Anton wearing a suit.

Neither image really tells us why he's singing, though.

17 November at 15:53 | Open on social.chatty.monster

👻👻 Flippin' spook, Tucker!

#WorstAlbumCovers 8/13

Artist: The Pecker
Album: Introducing ...

A man with long curly hair is holding a banjo. For reasons best known to the photographer he has chosen the most unflattering angle possible to take the picture, which emphasises his belly.

No sign of his pecker though. Be glad for small fortunes.

Artist: Sean Meaney
Album: Does Anybody Know What I'm Talking About?

Absolutely no bloody clue, Sean. And the album cover doesn't help as it just shows a photograph of two ferries sailing across a remarkably placid sea, which inset is a head shot of Sean himself. Sean is wearing a natty bright blue shirt, he is middle aged, balding and wears glasses.

Perhaps Sean is a Siren and he is luring the unwitting sailors from those two ships to their untimely doom.

Artist: The Faith Tones
Album: Jesus Use Me

Christ on a bike, what the hell is happening here?

Three women with incredible bouffant hairdos are staring straight at the camera. It's hard to put into words but there is a definite air of Satanic menace on this one.

Jesus should not be using any of them in any way, no matter how much they plead.

Artist: Dick Black and his Band
Album: A Taste of Dick Black

Can't resist a bit of inuenndo, can we. Dick (who is not Black) is wearing an incredible tartan jacket and thrusting an accordian at the photographer. He's also got a natty little bow tie and a cheeky grin. Who could resist a taste of Dick?

17 November at 16:00 | Open on social.chatty.monster

👻👻 Flippin' spook, Tucker!

#WorstAlbumCovers 9/13

Artist: Unclear
Album: Musica de Maysa

A woman with a look of sheer murder on her face is clutching a cat. If ever a cat had an expression of "please help she is about to strangle me" on its face, this is that kitty.

Artist: Unknown
Album: How to Teach Children the Wonder of Sex

Oh bloody hell. I mean just ... no. Stop it. Don't.

I'm sure it's all perfectly innocent. Anyway a man is dressed quite formally and appears to be lecturing a group of children aged from toddlers to teens who are also inexplicably dressed for a day at the office.

A woman sits in an armchair looking as if this is normal.

I am probably on a list now.

Artist: The Ministers Quartet
Album: Let Me Touch Him

Four older gentleman are dressed in tasteful grey suits. Please don't let them touch him, though.

Artist: The Right Honourable John G Diefenbaker, PC
Album: I Am A Canadian

The album cover consists entirely of a black-and-white photo of the face of a man with double or possibly triple chins, seeminly screaming.

Despite his claims of Canadian nationality, I do not think he is screaming SORRY.

17 November at 16:06 | Open on social.chatty.monster

👻👻 Flippin' spook, Tucker!

#WorstAlbumCovers 10/13

Artist: Bamperos
Album: Tule Kanssani Kylpyyn

Five men in various degrees of baldness are sitting naked in a bathtub together. There are lots of bubbles, and in a nod to romance, there are two lit candles.

Artist: Russ Hamilton
Album: We Will Make Love

A wholesome looking young man with a black and red knitted jumper over a white shirt is smiling and holding a guitar.

Which is all very well but someone needs to tell Russ you can not just demand that your listeners will make love. At least take them out for a meal first!

Artist: Various
Album: Scottish Sing-a-Long

The album cover consists of the face of a man who has a ginger moustache and very bushy ginger eyebrows. He is wearing a tartan hat of some description. His facial expression makes it look like he is being slowly and painfully tortured, possibly by the means of bagpipes.

Artist: The Billy Cobham - George Duke Band
Album: "Live" On Tour In Europe

The heads of two men with beards and afro haircuts have been mounted on their hands. Despite this horrific example of Dr Moreau style mad scientist experimentation, they both look very cheerful.

17 November at 16:13 | Open on social.chatty.monster

👻👻 Flippin' spook, Tucker!

#WorstAlbumCovers 11/13

Artist: Red Simpson
Album: I'm A Truck

Despite the very Transformer-y claim of the album title, it appears that Red is not in fact a truck but merely the driver of one. He is pictured in classic truck driver pose (one elbow resting out of the open window) in the cab of a yellow truck.

Artist: Vera Matovic
Album: Samo Jedan Minut

There are shoulder pads, there are big shoulder pads, and then there is our Vera. She is wearing a satin black dress but oh my goodness the shoulder pads must be a good 15 cm (that's 6 inches for those hard of metric-ing at the back) in height. Apart from that, though, she's quite neatly dressed. The gold chain goes well. Excellent try, Vera.

Artist: Dan something ending in -rary
Album: Lady's Fancy

Far be it from me to tell ladies who they should fancy, but it has to be said that Dan is not the picture of stereotypical sexiness. He is slightly balding -- with a neatly done centre parting admittedly -- and a sex molestor's moustache. It does look like he knows how to strum a guitar, though, and there's no doubting the attraction of someone being in the music business.

Artist: Jean Pierre Numez
Album: The Nimble Fingers Of ...

A bearded man is playing an acoustic guitar. He is wearing a handsome tuxedo but ... no trousers. For Christ's sake man, where are your pants? Who on earth told you to pose for this picture without getting fully dressed?

17 November at 16:20 | Open on social.chatty.monster

👻👻 Flippin' spook, Tucker! replied to 👻👻 Flippin' spook, Tucker!

#WorstAlbumCovers 12/13

Artist: Half Pint
Album: Watch Me Grow

A man wearing a stripy black and white shirt and trousers sits on the bonnet of a car, legs spread wide apart. It's not entirely clear exactly what part of Mr Pint is going to be growing but I think we can have a good guess.

To really add icing to the cake, there appears to be a disembodied "Michael Myers from Halloween" style hockey mask floating in the car. That's just freaky.

Artist: The Beach Boys
Album: Pet Sounds

Finally, just to prove it can happen even to the best of them, here's the cover of one of the greatest albums ever made. It shows five young men with very 1960s haircuts feeding some goats.

17 November at 16:23 | Open on social.chatty.monster

👻👻 Flippin' spook, Tucker! replied to 👻👻 Flippin' spook, Tucker!

#WorstAlbumCovers 13/13
There is no number 13. Counting is hard, I fail at maths.

17 November at 16:23 | Open on social.chatty.monster

Martin Howitt replied to 👻👻 Flippin' spook, Tucker!

@losttourist These are incredible. I got as far as 7/13 before wondering if they had been AI generated. I mean, How to buy Meat?

17 November at 16:26 | Open on urbanists.social

Jim Spath replied to 👻👻 Flippin' spook, Tucker!

@losttourist Quite the list though! I recognize only 2 artists:
Bert Reynolds > Tom Jones
[edit: oh, the Beach Boys makes 3]

17 November at 16:33 | Open on chaos.social

👻👻 Flippin' spook, Tucker! replied to 👻👻 Flippin' spook, Tucker!

Actually one last thing (maybe consider this the 13/13 of the thread).

If I may quote the man who put the collection together:

This exhibition is staged in aid of Different Strokes, a charity which helps younger stroke survivors to optimise their recovery by offering rehabilitative services, information and advice. If you enjoyed this exhibition please consider making a donation".

The donation URL is https://www.justgiving.com/page/steve-goldman-1725875711082

#WorstAlbumCovers #WorstRecordCovers #DifferentStrokes

Actually one last thing (maybe consider this the 13/13 of the thread).

If I may quote the man who put the collection together:

This exhibition is staged in aid of Different Strokes, a charity which helps younger stroke survivors to optimise their recovery by offering rehabilitative services, information and advice. If you enjoyed this exhibition please consider making a donation".

Expand text...

17 November at 16:41 | Open on social.chatty.monster

The Goldfish replied to 👻👻 Flippin' spook, Tucker!

@losttourist Thank you for sharing these and the donation info.

17 November at 18:11 | Open on mastodon.green

Sue Briccay :verifiedace: replied to 👻👻 Flippin' spook, Tucker!

@losttourist

This thread is gold dust!
I'm laughing so much it hurts.

17 November at 23:03 | Open on tech.lgbt

Edinburgh Man replied to 👻👻 Flippin' spook, Tucker!

@losttourist My response to most of these covers is...

17 November at 16:39 | Open on mastodon.scot

Clark W Griswold until 25-Dec replied to 👻👻 Flippin' spook, Tucker!

@losttourist The studio rejected Jean Pierre Jumez’s first album title (“Songs I wrote while taking a dump”) but they let him use the cover art.

17 November at 16:37 | Open on infosec.exchange

Chris Young

@losttourist That Bamperos one caught my eye. It would be less weird if they were all in the bath, but crouching behind a bubbly bath like some sort of predatory gang, waiting for... somebody to get in the bath?

17 November at 16:24 | Open on oldbytes.space

TheSauce

@losttourist

Hi there, that multi-chinned chap on the lower right was our former prime minister (1957 to 1963), John Diefenbaker.

I can confirm that your alt text is correct, despite being Canadian, he was not shouting "sorry" in this shot.

17 November at 16:17 | Open on mstdn.ca

Sue Briccay :verifiedace:

@losttourist

Jesus Christ on a pogo stick.
The expression on that poor cat's face.

17 November at 23:01 | Open on tech.lgbt

LibertyForward1 :v_bi:

@losttourist Every time I see it, I swear one of the "Jesus Use Me" is Stephen Fry in drag

17 November at 16:08 | Open on beige.party

Clark W Griswold until 25-Dec

@losttourist For those who only speak American English, “pecker” just doesn’t (or at least didn’t”) have the same connotation that we give it in the US. When I worked in London, I was complaining about something to my HR person, and she tried to encourage me by saying “keep your pecker up.”

17 November at 16:42 | Open on infosec.exchange

Iwillyeah

@paco @losttourist the Pecker Dunne is the man on the cover and got his name from playing the banjo. He was great really, a proper folk artist and talented with many instruments. If you don't mind me being a bit boring in your comments section!

17 November at 21:42 | Open on mastodon.ie

scunning

@losttourist
Jesus used The Faith Tones' hairspray to put a hole in the ozone layer.

17 November at 17:22 | Open on metalhead.club

Jonathan T

@losttourist That's Elvis? I thought it was Val Kilmer (on the left).

17 November at 19:11 | Open on mastodon.me.uk