@jcrabapple Somewhere an Intro Physics teacher is kvelling because somebody listened.

@jcrabapple @APBBlue For all those people in high school bitching that they would never use the math they were learning, YOU WERE WRONG!

@jcrabapple

🤔

@jcrabapple that's not how the song goes

@denhoff
Wäre ich Physiklehrer, hätte ich *ausschliesslich* solche Aufgaben 🤣

@jcrabapple He forgot the possibility of the bird flying into the balcony from side to side, under the roof, just swooping in, pooping and flying out.

@castanearie you need to see this (and there I thought math was useless!)

@jcrabapple neglecting air resistance smh

@jcrabapple I don't often repost tiktok content on Mastodon, but when I do:

I repost five minute-long algebraic examinations of bird poop physics

@jcrabapple If a bird poops above the caboose of a train leaving Toledo at 15 miles per hour, calculate the speed at which the poop would land on someone wearing a new hat on the platform. Show your work.

@jcrabapple deeply disappointed that he leaves out two obvious alternatives - an arc because the bird was flying up to the roof and 'lightened its load' shortly after takeoff or shortly before landing, or the equally possible 'blinds were open, bird smacks into the window with explosive consequences' then staggers away after a bit of recovery.

@jcrabapple
There's a male bluebird that sees himself in my passeger side mirror at work. I guess male bluebirds are very territorial and fight other males readily. He flies at my mirror at frightening speed and upon hitting it loses control of his bowels, shitting all over the mirror and my vehicle.

How about the bird just flew into your window and shit itself upon impact. Most likely explanation.🤣

@jcrabapple
@scalzi - of course an #Ohio’an investigated this!

@jcrabapple and here I thought Tiktok was entirely made of teens and middle-aged tragics miming memes or jiggling boobs.

@jcrabapple
Peak shitposting

@jcrabapple Only disappointing he didn't reference the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow.

But yes, very cool.

@jcrabapple Agreed. It’s all impressive calculations. 👏👀😂

There’s a wind factor. If it was a very gusty day, a bird resting on the railing or flying by could easily pooped on the window at the right moment. 😂

@jcrabapple

This is a great example of the scientific process.

I have another theory though based upon evidence and experience.

The bird was actually flying toward the window because it saw a reflection that appeared to be a safe place to fly to.

At the last split-second, the bird realized it was glass and had an 'Oh, shit!' moment.

@jcrabapple He forgot the impact of the wind

@jcrabapple My brain hurts.

@jcrabapple
Bird ON patio. Flying through. Possibly flying into window.

@jcrabapple https://youtu.be/P-hUV9yhqgY

@jcrabapple for the love of science.

@jcrabapple Thanks. This was hands down the best thing I watched today.

@jcrabapple it’s also yet another example of high quality material on TikTok, despite what critics say

@jcrabapple
This may be the harbinger of the end of civilization. Or it's proof.

@jcrabapple @lisamelton I *cannot* believe I watched the whole thing. Also, awesome.

@jcrabapple Unfortunately, there's another more likely hypothesis. A bird flew into the window and pooped itself.

@jcrabapple
There is a third possibility, birds will involuntarily defecate when they impact into a solid object ... in this case the glass door.

@jcrabapple don’t trust a bit of his calculations, he uses Excel.

Also, faeces is correct (heir of course isn’t).

@jcrabapple It could have been sitting on top of the balcony door if it was open, or even on top of the window frame.

@jcrabapple Ich könnte mir vorstellen, dass das⬆️ @tanteju5 gefällt

@jcrabapple using excel to model this...noob! 🙄 ever heard of Matlab? 😁

@jcrabapple WHAT... is the POOP VELOCITY of a LADEN SWALLOW?

@jcrabapple @itgrrl FUCK YEAH SCIENCE

@jcrabapple b-but that is literally a shit post! 😇

@jcrabapple deep... shit

@jcrabapple or maybe the bird just flew into the window and shat itself.

@jcrabapple Perfect bird art:

@jcrabapple definitely a gem for @ionica 😂

@jcrabapple

@jcrabapple
That is the information I'm looking for years... 😏🤔😩🤣🤣

@jcrabapple it was good until he started mixing imperial and metric units WHY ARE PEOPLE LIKE THIS?

@jcrabapple perhaps the bird was somewhere on the roof?! ;9

@jcrabapple He forgot to factor in wind blowing the poop towards window. But from my bird investigations I would assume it was a lateral fly-by drop 🤓