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Jcrabapple

This is what the internet was made for.

69 comments
Rob Carlson

@pixelpusher220 @jcrabapple This would have been a yellowed mimeograph copy of the analysis at Bell Labs or Lockheed 60 years ago but otherwise identical

Virginicus

@jcrabapple Somewhere an Intro Physics teacher is kvelling because somebody listened.

Kyle Johnson

@jcrabapple @APBBlue For all those people in high school bitching that they would never use the math they were learning, YOU WERE WRONG!

nicholas_saunders

@kyleejohnson @jcrabapple @APBBlue "I tried to research the ejection speed for bird poop but found it a sadly under researched..."

๐Ÿ˜‚

CaseyL

@OverBoing @jcrabapple

If zachahern1 isn't a legend already, he should be one after this.

koehntopp ~ :

@denhoff
Wรคre ich Physiklehrer, hรคtte ich *ausschliesslich* solche Aufgaben ๐Ÿคฃ

Marcos Dione

@jcrabapple He forgot the possibility of the bird flying into the balcony from side to side, under the roof, just swooping in, pooping and flying out.

cesarb

@mdione @jcrabapple He also seems to have ignored the effects of wind; a strong enough air current might have carried the material farther than expected. But that could depend on the shape and density of the material in question, and let's stop here before we all get nerd sniped.

Jcrabapple

@cesarb @mdione let's just appreciate that anyone even took the time to try!

Chris Bohn

@cesarb @mdione @jcrabapple Can we at least agree to assume a spherical cowbird?

Jonathan Hendry

@mdione @jcrabapple

Or landing on the balcony, checking things out, then taking off and pooping on takeoff from much closer to the window.

Ibex

@castanearie you need to see this (and there I thought math was useless!)

Administrator

@jcrabapple I don't often repost tiktok content on Mastodon, but when I do:

I repost five minute-long algebraic examinations of bird poop physics

Earthling

@jcrabapple If a bird poops above the caboose of a train leaving Toledo at 15 miles per hour, calculate the speed at which the poop would land on someone wearing a new hat on the platform. Show your work.

Alan Miller :verified_paw:

@jcrabapple deeply disappointed that he leaves out two obvious alternatives - an arc because the bird was flying up to the roof and 'lightened its load' shortly after takeoff or shortly before landing, or the equally possible 'blinds were open, bird smacks into the window with explosive consequences' then staggers away after a bit of recovery.

Jos

@fencepost @jcrabapple
you'd see a bird shaped stain on the window, unless it was an unusually clean bird

Alan Miller :verified_paw:

@goleztrol @jcrabapple I know doves tend to be dusty, not so sure about some of the songbirds - and I think it'd be really obvious on blackbirds

Tayo ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ

@jcrabapple
There's a male bluebird that sees himself in my passeger side mirror at work. I guess male bluebirds are very territorial and fight other males readily. He flies at my mirror at frightening speed and upon hitting it loses control of his bowels, shitting all over the mirror and my vehicle.

How about the bird just flew into your window and shit itself upon impact. Most likely explanation.๐Ÿคฃ

Jcrabapple

@Tay0 lol that's one possibility ๐Ÿ˜‚

Mark Whybird

@jcrabapple
@scalzi - of course an #Ohioโ€™an investigated this!

Si Fuller

@jcrabapple and here I thought Tiktok was entirely made of teens and middle-aged tragics miming memes or jiggling boobs.

Jcrabapple

@si_fuller that's probably the majority of it, but there's some high quality shitposting too.

Si Fuller

@jcrabapple I'm genuinely surprised. And I'm glad people are out there doing this sort of thing, no matter the platform.

(Heehee, shitposting, I get it)

Andrew Bartlett

@jcrabapple Only disappointing he didn't reference the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow.

But yes, very cool.

Takako T

@jcrabapple Agreed. Itโ€™s all impressive calculations. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘€๐Ÿ˜‚

Thereโ€™s a wind factor. If it was a very gusty day, a bird resting on the railing or flying by could easily pooped on the window at the right moment. ๐Ÿ˜‚

SpaceLifeForm

@jcrabapple

This is a great example of the scientific process.

I have another theory though based upon evidence and experience.

The bird was actually flying toward the window because it saw a reflection that appeared to be a safe place to fly to.

At the last split-second, the bird realized it was glass and had an 'Oh, shit!' moment.

P J Evans

@jcrabapple
Bird ON patio. Flying through. Possibly flying into window.

Jcrabapple

@rombat best episode of television ever.

Grapeshot

@jcrabapple Thanks. This was hands down the best thing I watched today.

Colby

@jcrabapple itโ€™s also yet another example of high quality material on TikTok, despite what critics say

GlennMG

@jcrabapple
This may be the harbinger of the end of civilization. Or it's proof.

bubbajet ๐Ÿฅฅ๐ŸŒด VOTED

@jcrabapple @lisamelton I *cannot* believe I watched the whole thing. Also, awesome.

Peter Gleick

@jcrabapple Unfortunately, there's another more likely hypothesis. A bird flew into the window and pooped itself.

Jonathan Hendry

@petergleick @jcrabapple

We've had a few bird strikes over the years and never had a pooper.

Also there'd probably be a dead bird there.

Steveg58

@jcrabapple
There is a third possibility, birds will involuntarily defecate when they impact into a solid object ... in this case the glass door.

mirabilos

@jcrabapple donโ€™t trust a bit of his calculations, he uses Excel.

Also, faeces is correct (heir of course isnโ€™t).

Jos

@jcrabapple It could have been sitting on top of the balcony door if it was open, or even on top of the window frame.

Filmkater

@jcrabapple Ich kรถnnte mir vorstellen, dass dasโฌ†๏ธ @tanteju5 gefรคllt

Fred

@jcrabapple using excel to model this...noob! ๐Ÿ™„ ever heard of Matlab? ๐Ÿ˜

James Trickle uP

@jcrabapple WHAT... is the POOP VELOCITY of a LADEN SWALLOW?

Wilfried Klaebe

@jcrabapple b-but that is literally a shit post! ๐Ÿ˜‡

Harald Hannelius

@jcrabapple or maybe the bird just flew into the window and shat itself.

Timothy Martin

@jcrabapple
That is the information I'm looking for years... ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

Vex Machina

@jcrabapple it was good until he started mixing imperial and metric units WHY ARE PEOPLE LIKE THIS?

Ingo Everaard

@jcrabapple perhaps the bird was somewhere on the roof?! ;9

Disco3000

@jcrabapple He forgot to factor in wind blowing the poop towards window. But from my bird investigations I would assume it was a lateral fly-by drop ๐Ÿค“

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