Is It Just Me Or Are These Clothing Manufacturers Becoming Hostile?

T-shirt is actually short for ‘tyrannosaurus shirt’. It's because of the small arms. 🦕

The elderly man hurried to his doctor appointment. He wanted to rush because he had to be somewhere by 9a.m. The doctor asked where he was going. He said that every morning he is at the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. He then said that his wife had Alzheimers disease and for the past 5 years she hasn't known who he is. The doctor was surprised and asked the man why he continues to go faithfully if she has no idea who he is....the old man replied, "because I still know who she is."

When people ask me "Plz" because it's shorter than "Please", I tell them "No" because it's shorter than "Yes”.

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I’m a social drinker.
Every time someone says, “I’ll have a drink”, I say, “Social I.”

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Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers, give people directions, do sums in our heads, buy newspapers and don't get me started on the dinosaurs.

My excuse: It’s not that I'm bad at remembering names, I'm just awesome at forgetting them.

The thing I miss most about being young is knowing everything.

A new study has found that 69% of people can find something rude in everything you say.

A new study has found that the amount of sleep required by the average person is ten more minutes.

Not to brag, but my bank says I have an outstanding balance.

Saw a bumper sticker: MAKE LOVE NOT WAR, SEE DRIVER FOR DETAILS.

Ever wonder: If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum." Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters? Just wonderin’.