I like long walks.........especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

When your pizza’s delivered and you don’t want your cat to get out.

Oh wise one, I need your help, I can't find me nuts......

It turns out that a man who had been struggling with unexplained drunkenness actually had microbes in his stomach that produced alcohol that made him drunk.
I just want to let everyone know that this excuse does exist.

A lot of people are complaining that the new iPhones and iPads are different sizes than the last models, the ports are also smaller so none of the old attachments will fit.
This means that people have to buy new cases and attachments.
In response Apple issued an official statement saying, “Exactly."

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

Have you heard about the chap who was so dumb he had to get naked to count to 21?

I'm assuming that 403 years ago this person died very unexpectedly.

That awkward moment when a horse is prettier than you are.

The kid over the road told me a Knock Knock joke.

Knock knock
Who’s there
Cabbage.
Cabbage who?
Cabbage in, it’s cold outside.

Took me a minute to realize she meant “lettuce.” She’s six, I laughed anyway.

Incredible tattoo by Mr. T Stucklife of the "Prometheus Bound and the Oceanids," an 1879 marble sculpture by German sculptor Eduard Müller, located at Alte Nationalgalerie in Berlin, Germany.

Vegans think they will live longer than us, but they don't realize that they are a hundred times more likely to be murdered mid-conversation.

This is my step ladder, I never knew my real ladder.

This tree is very stubborn and I love it.

If you’re having a bad day, here’s a Hedgehog on a camping trip to cheer you up.