Ah #Linux, the problem solving OS!
So I connected to tailscale in attempts to use sshfs with my primary laptop back home. I even left that laptop running with sleep disabled. Oh no, I forget to start tailscale on it. So, I used another machine on my network to shh to that laptop and start tailscale. I could've used that same machine to sshfs with the laptop via routes, but that machine is slower, and is busy, so sshfs directly with the target machine is much better.
You're not going to convince me Windows is better while I have access to my primary machine's 4 drives from some random food cart I found AND using this same connection as my VPN that I don't need to pay for. Sorry, Windows sucks ass. Maybe it CAN do this, but not easily enough that I've bothered to find it.