Gregory's Server
It'd go something like
With the rise of always-online increasingly-louder real-time telemetry-powered everything in computation, we will explore the remaining bastion of peace & quiet in programming that remains, located approximately 50 nautical miles offshore from any coastline. That is until someone finds a way to bring news of the Osbourne family to the doldrums.
This talks argues that to solve the hard problems of tomorrow, pairing your IDE to your pedometer social network may be detrimental to finding solutions to these difficult challenges, that the blaring reminder to drink more water is itself the cause of your stressed-induced dehydration, and that you can always count on the punchcard to not spy on you while you're folding it in a lampshade.