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eppa, de koninklijk hofnar 🦻 :v_trans: :v_mlm:

Something that I noticed throughout years of being "queer" on the internet; the deeper you go, the less being "default" is accepted.

Genderfuckery and complex sexualities are celebrated.
And it's great on its own!

Do we have to do it at an expense of people who find comfort in simple, default expressions and presentations?

Do we really have to marginalize out the "defaults" to celebrate the customs? no.

Queerness is not a cake and there is more than enough for everyone, but it seems like neither Fedi nor the wider community is capable of understanding it.

Ever since I got more comfortable with a more default expression of my gender, I've felt less seen and welcome. As if I'm not welcome here because not only I'm a (trans) man who likes other men, but also that my dream aesthetic expression is not that far from an average cis guy.

This is on top of transmisandry that infests the queer spaces.

I simply feel no longer welcome. And god someone better prove me otherwise.

6 comments | Expand all CWs
Witix :heart_bi: :transrights: :heart_demiboy:

@rangaku@tech.lgbt I have zero idea how to prove you wrong, other than saying that I don't really mind any expression. It's okay to be anyone you want, after all ​:ElainaSmile:​

Numberz

@rangaku@tech.lgbt I am sorry you feel that way. My perspective is very different. I am straight/cis and your instance has some of the best people I've ever interacted with. Your community has taken me in, educated me, accepted me and helped me along to being a better person. I honestly can't thank everyone enough for that. The people I've met here have changed my life for the better and I'll never repay the debt I owe to all of you for that.

SalamiAeros
@rangaku It depends per platform, but yeah people can be extreme just because a certain part of the community "currently screams louder"or "puts excessive labels". I've had my fair share of misadventures with queer internet communities. On fedi it's much much better compared to other places. And a massive :blobcathearthug: for speaking up, some people just feel overshadowed and rather intimidated to do so.
ark (28904)

@rangaku@tech.lgbt sorry that this has been your experience. hopefully it gets better, since it seems antithetical to the idea of a queer community to have such expectations. ​:ms_robot_sad:​

Lizzie

@rangaku@tech.lgbt I do agree a lot with this. It's become a weird group of boxes and labels that seem to have their own "cliques" and stuff and it can be super excluding when others see you and say "you dont fit in this box" or "You can only fit in this box". The whole point of queerness is to burn the box and be free from it. We label ourselves with something that describes us well, but we shouldnt be treated like everyone who uses that label, and we also shouldnt isolate or exclude people inside or outside of that label because the label isn't supposed to be a box, its a label, and not everything with that label or without it is the same. I sometimes say its like neurodivergence, there is no "brand" that you should try to "gatekeep", you just got some of this and some of that. And maybe the term "computer audhd fix it lesbian" fits for you, but that doesn't mean thats all you are and that everyone else who identifies with that is the same as you. The "defaults" or "customs" shouldn't be ignored or treated any differently than you would treat anyone else from the queer community from the get go, and if you treat anyone from any level of queerness with any less respect than any others because of these "biases" you have about the different "groups", then you should be ashamed of yourself and reevaluate what you really want from the queer community because thats not it babes.

@rangaku@tech.lgbt I do agree a lot with this. It's become a weird group of boxes and labels that seem to have their own "cliques" and stuff and it can be super excluding when others see you and say "you dont fit in this box" or "You can only fit in this box". The whole point of queerness is to burn the box and be free from it. We label ourselves with something that describes us well, but we shouldnt be treated like everyone who uses that label, and we also shouldnt isolate or exclude people inside...

Ryan Clough

@rangaku Love this. Normalize "queer" as "being yourself," whatever that looks like.

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