The whole small vs big instances argument is also exhausting, you're somehow wanting consent with federation and every interaction, but expect your instance to be slurping up data from other instances such that your small instance isn't "quiet".
Where's that consent model again?
(And there's ongoing work by a and others around replies collections & the management of them, as to ensure you can request full reply trees)
"Rochko's decision last year to change the signup process to default new users to mastodon.social highlights one aspect of the conflict of interest hereβ
But you don't even want those who are signing up to the flagship instance by downloading the official app, let's be honest here.
That or you expect them to install & operate fediverse software whilst not knowing anything about the fediverse?