after restoring iOS a SECOND time, I installed an HTTP proxy to see what was going on. Set a breakpoint for every time it calls to any Apple server. Sure enough, upon connecting the adapter it fetches this XML file: http://mesu.apple.com/assets/com_apple_MobileAsset_MobileAccessoryUpdate_haywire/com_apple_MobileAsset_MobileAccessoryUpdate_haywire.xml
That has to be the culprit. So I edit the hosts file on the iPod to block mesu.apple.com, test everything out, and it works like a charm. Connected the Elgato to a PC since the Mac doesn’t like it, and here we are. The most bootleg setup.
I made a screen recording playing with the iPhoto app so I could take clips from it later. Here’s that very, very long screen recording: https://youtube.com/watch?v=DYob_OpOFu0
The YouTube compression isn’t even that bad here, the raw output just isn’t exceptional (see the still frame). Oh well.