@Ninji Of course, if it was *really* like modern software, it'd be a bottle of dirt slurry, not mayo
-F

@Ninji I would think “maybe later” just means bring it on the side.

@Ninji “You have requested mustard on your Bozo Burger. You may also be interested in Bozo Sauce, sriracha, and boysenberry jam on your Bozo Burger. Click ‘Cancel’ to disengage overrides on Bozo Sauce, sriracha, and boysenberry jam on your Bozo Burger, or click ‘Undo’ to reverse disengagement of overrides on Bozo Sauce, sriracha, and boysenberry jam on your Bozo Burger.”

@Ninji when you get up to leave it tells you "we are installing more ingredients in the kitchen. do not leave the restaurant." and then 30-45 minutes later, everyone has to leave and come back before they can go home.

@Ninji Because you selected “*maybe* later”, the restaurant interpreted this as “yes, please sign me up for a trial of Lots of Mayo as a Service” (a.k.a. “Mucho MaaS”), using the credit card you gave them when buying your first burger from them 8 years ago. A week later you are charged $29.99 for your first month of Mucho MaaS before you realize what had happened.

@Ninji Mayo as a service

@Ninji mr mayonaise?

https://youtube.com/shorts/UdXLQVu6mqY?feature=shared

@Ninji too late. Mr. Mayonnaise beat you to it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozQo4QHuElI

@Ninji @drakulix our chef and 876 partner chefs may add mayo to your burger unless you manually untick the opt-in for all of them

@Ninji also, you cannot pay for a burger. The burger is actually free but you have to watch ads every 4 bites or subscribe to premium.

@Ninji I'm totally down with this. Has to be the hot mayo too, not the standard stuff. Nope, too mundane.

@Ninji and he will squeeze the bottle at the closest known location to the burger, even if it's halfway down your throat; so he'll just open your mouth and spray a large glob directly down your gullet.

@Ninji thanks, I hate it

@Ninji see, this is a bad allegory because mayo on burgers, especially with mustard, is the best and correct set of sauces for a burger. Now, if they were threatening ketchup, that's a different, terrifying story.

@Ninji “Unexpected Mayo in Burger Area”

@Ninji the difference of course is that most people would probably want mayo

@Ninji I regret to inform you that lots of burger places are pretty close to this about cheese

@Ninji You are pure unadulterated evil. Oh, and the CEOs of Burgerking and MacDonalds are on lines 1 and 2...

@Ninji I hate mayo, and this is just perfect.

@Ninji Burger only delivered as abo, and can be changed to a falafel at any time...

@Ninji do I also have to share my cutlery with you and your 816 partners?

@Ninji Later, the mayo is replaced with durian sauce

@Ninji But how can white stuff like mayo be pressed in a dark pattern?

@Ninji

At least for the chips, mayo should be mandatory!

@Ninji Also...

Bacon?

(x) Yes

( ) I hate good food

@Ninji
Brilliant.
@Gargron

@Ninji @clive the interesting thing about this is it makes me realize it’s better when they don’t ask.

@Ninji When you're halfway done with your burger, does the cook snatch the patty off it and demands a subscription that you have to pay per bite?

@Ninji
By entering your restaurant they agree to allow you to make a copy of everything on their phone

@Ninji
We're all Damocles in 2024.

@Ninji
Remember to automatically add your customers to your "loyalty" program every time they walk in the door, no matter how many times they opt out in the past

@Ninji

and asking for #LightMayo means that the "sandwich artist" grabs a different squeeze bottle of some lower calorie white fat stuff (and them slathers four times more of something you didn't ask for)

@Ninji I would eat there.

@Ninji Also, to add a side of fries you need to pull an entire poorly maintained french restaurant, which in turn pulls megabites of shite you actually neither need nor care about

@Ninji „Me and my 767 waiters would like to watch you eat so we can improve our food“

@Ninji "would you like mayonaise?" YES "please enter your username and password" "to verify your identity we will need to send a six-digit unique code to (XXX)-XXX-XXXX. This may incur additional carrier fees. please click 'OK' to continue". OK. "please check your phone and enter the six-digit one-time-password we have just texted you" XXXXXX . "Thank you. to prove you are a human, please click all of the below images which contain a car."...........

@Ninji you'll be opening this in tech company cafeterias, right?

@Ninji What if the chef has a "legitimate interest" to add mayo?

@Ninji

The chef squirts some mayo on the bite you’re about to take, and when you get annoyed, they act upset like it’s somehow your fault that you didn’t opt-out of mayo, and they reluctantly and slowly scrape the mayo off imperfectly within 4-6 minutes, leaving a bunch still on it.

You take your bite, and the option is passive-aggressively presented again because there’s been an update to the restaurant. Now choosing the option “maybe later” kicks you out of the restaurant and the chef steals your burger.

@Ninji also don't forget to randomly discontinue idems as one-time purchase and offering them only as pay-per-order or prepaid annual subscription bundled with half your menu items, and make it bound to a person so customers can't offer food to other people...

#capitalism #evil #shitpost #software #licensing #subscriptions #enshittification

@Ninji @xssfox

Must not forget Free* fries.

*𝚋𝚢 𝚊𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚖𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝙵𝚛𝚎𝚎 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚎𝚌𝚑𝚋𝚞𝚛𝚐𝚎𝚛 𝚞𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚟𝚘𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚎 𝚊𝚍𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚝𝚒𝚜𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜.

@Ninji
Mr. Mayonnaise is interested to hear more about your business model.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozQo4QHuElI

@Ninji Every time you go to take a bite, the mayo attendant interrupts you and asks the same question again.

@Ninji
TBF, "maybe later" tells me that this isn't a permanent choice, which reduces the pressure of making a decision.