I think you are misunderstanding me.
Defederation should be based on protecting the fedi as a network. On the fedi and www, there will be crap. And stuff many hate but you don't. On your fedi server or blog, post anything legal imo. But when you intentionally intrude on others' experience, there becomes cause for action imo because it can make the entire network a shitty place to be. That should be the focus of server vs server policing.
We don't have a UN to determine what's "ok".
@wjmaggos I don't understand, indeed. You say crap existing in the internet is a thing we have to deal with, but when there is a proposal how to deal with it you say "just deal with it"? I don't follow.