@nixCraft

"why isn't this button more green?"

(ex Product Manager here)

@nixCraft can you fix this bug asap?

@nixCraft “hi”

@nixCraft "Make it do the thing"

@nixCraft We (management) have moved the deadline up a month, but with no additional resources. 😡

@nixCraft just say anything to them while they're programming 😖

@nixCraft Strange GUI.

@nixCraft "Now put it on kubernetes"

@nixCraft The bug is intermittent and just seems to happen at random.

@nixCraft
"just add that simple feature, it should take you some minutes"....

@nixCraft
I thought it would be faster and it still doesn't ____.

@nixCraft
Engineering - "It's going to take one month to build this."
Product - "We need it in one week."
"We could hack a solution but it will not scale."
Engineering - "That's fine we just need a prototype."
Product - "Ok"

~6 months later~

"The app is crashing. Why didn't we build this right to begin with?"

@nixCraft « Build an #OpenBSD release for monday »

@nixCraft Pretty much anything that begins with "Why don't you just..."

@nixCraft You really found a hornets nest here lmao 🤣

@nixCraft “customer just added a new requirement…”

@nixCraft Let's have a meeting.

@nixCraft Literally any sentence with the word "priority" in it.

@nixCraft

"I just had a great idea that I want you to help me with, it's [insert huge website/socmed] but cooler; if we (you) make it by the end of the month, we'll (I'll) be rich!"

@nixCraft (product owner, confidently) that should be really easy

@nixCraft

“Requirements have changed.”

@nixCraft works on my machine

@nixCraft File a QA report that complains they're storing stuff in /tmp and not cleaning it up periodically. Which leaves me as the admin having to clean up the crap their application leaves behind by running cron jobs.

@nixCraft why is your shirt green

@nixCraft ‘Can you implement AI for searching data in your production database?’

@nixCraft zzz....

@nixCraft Can you fix my computer?

@nixCraft but did you use GOTO

@nixCraft PM 😁

@nixCraft "Aah, here's my favourite IT guy! I have problem with ny laptop..."

@nixCraft "Hey, are you a programmer? Can you fix my printer?"

@nixCraft RTFM

@nixCraft I’m turning project management over to the Marketing Department

@nixCraft "I only have a short question"

@nixCraft finally everything is fine! Now just use a different language

@nixCraft use C