Some rules for life derived by studying cats:

1. Express yourself as clearly as possible when people are touching you and you don't want them to.
2. Optionally; you can also express yourself as clearly as possible when people are not touching you and you would like them to.
3. You don't have to be the strongest or toughest to defend yourself, it's enough just to be difficult enough to not be worth the trouble.
4. Sometimes it's important to just go "Hrm. Actually, I don't care." and wander off.
5. Ghosts will eventually leave if you stare at them for long enough.