I'm so incompatible with full time jobs and honestly pretty much the whole modern standard everyday life cycle it's getting daunting.

I operate in short bursts and burnouts and it always was this way, and after a number of attempts to fix it I learned to accept and love it instead.
Like having a constant memory leakage, I can get a crapton of work done, but eventually everything have to be discarded and restarted from whatever was the last state when things were properly documented and saved externally, and there can be no exceptions and priorities whatsoever, no favors or emergencies, it's all gone, I'm gone, it's gonna take the unknown amount of time to recover and ramp up, and there is nothing freaking personal about it, there never was.

And most of the time it feels like there's nobody and nothing at all that could accommodate to it. I'm getting pushed anyway with no resources to continue, no time to recover, having to make an appearance that I'm still functional when nothing productive it being done.

Does it really have to be this way.