Gregory's Server
That's well put -- and often folks _have_ of course thought about the tradeoffs they themselves have chosen, but get "explained to" by others.
IME, many nerdy communities (especially male-dominated ones) have similar refusal of norms cultures, so for folks who've been part of such communities it may feel easier to tolerate or even normal, but it can be very offputting.
I think a culture of generosity in how we approach each other is a useful thing for any fedi community to nourish.