continuing on, @hennichodernich suggested i try out OpenEMS. it's a bit hard to use; i can't just sketch out the shape of the antenna and use it. i have to create it with code, but that code means it can be parametric. here's what the resulting antenna looks like.
side note, to get openEMS to work, i had to downgrade my numpy version to 1.26.2. (yes, i know i'm supposed to be running Python with venv in a chroot jail in a Docker container under vmware, but i just want software to work...)