Gregory's ServerSo a couple of weeks back I was riding my bike and saw the friendly face of a former customer/colleague at an intersection and waved. He messaged a few days later suggesting a drink, which we have just had.
And we get on famously, talked shit and serious stuff for two hours. He's a little older than me. We might both be asking ourselves about adult ADHD, and thinking about our lives, and wondering how the fuck we got here. As we reconnected and it became apparent we are both fatherless now, he posed the question: who replaces them in our lives? We are both short on older men we can talk to now, the repositories of wisdom we can connect with are few and hard to find... and the answer is, it's us. Our peers. We are now the last numerous generation. (As my older and old friend Matt observed when my dad died: the world is a little colder when you're an orphan. The buffer generation between us and death is gone.)
And he's been having a few problems but honestly who hasn't, I know I have. It's good to start mapping out our common territory.
And I thought about my Dad who when he died had such a tiny circle because his friendships had revolved around work, and my mother did all the social stuff. His last good friends were actually all my mother's old friends.
And all this is to say, my fellow ageing straight dudes: don't miss that chance to connect. Go talk shit. Take a chance on someone who may or may not share something of how you see the world (and what if they don't? maybe you can learn something from that or at least have fun being surprised). We can't leave it to the women in our lives, it's not their responsibility and we could do with exercising the ancient muscles of friendship. See what happens. Could be good. Give it a go.
And we get on famously, talked shit and serious stuff for two hours. He's a little older than me. We might both be asking ourselves about adult ADHD, and thinking about our lives, and wondering how the fuck we got here. As we reconnected and it became apparent we are both fatherless now, he posed the question: who replaces them in our lives? We are both short on older men we can talk to now, the repositories of wisdom we can connect with are few and hard to find... and the answer is, it's us. Our peers. We are now the last numerous generation. (As my older and old friend Matt observed when my dad died: the world is a little colder when you're an orphan. The buffer generation between us and death is gone.)
And he's been having a few problems but honestly who hasn't, I know I have. It's good to start mapping out our common territory.
And I thought about my Dad who when he died had such a tiny circle because his friendships had revolved around work, and my mother did all the social stuff. His last good friends were actually all my mother's old friends.
And all this is to say, my fellow ageing straight dudes: don't miss that chance to connect. Go talk shit. Take a chance on someone who may or may not share something of how you see the world (and what if they don't? maybe you can learn something from that or at least have fun being surprised). We can't leave it to the women in our lives, it's not their responsibility and we could do with exercising the ancient muscles of friendship. See what happens. Could be good. Give it a go.