This random rooster kept showing up in my yard today, so I set up the most Wile E Coyote-ass trap to get rid of him

Me faving a convo between two mutuals before adding my dumbass comment

Mastodon is the Philidelphia of social media.

Posting is the enemy because it turns thoughts Iike "I'm glad it's sprinkling today, I appreciate cool, cloudy, summer afternoons" into shit like "the gloomy day appreciator has LOGGED the FUCK on"

Just @ me clickhole

Only real animal crossing fans will remember these characters

Mild nsfw

90s stand up was the best. You could just talk about how "crazy" sushi was for 5 minutes and get on late night once then somehow get a syndicated family sitcom

I missed everyone telling their prom stories but mine is that I got turned down by 13 different girls.

How the fuck does @healyn log off for like, days at a time?

Soyfacing all day under my surgical mask. I finally feel right.

Happy boy Brooklyn

All I want to do is go home and play animal crossing. I'm the only person with quarantine fomo

Shit day, but I did a thing.
I listened to hardcore and drank while building this.

All the freelance journalists out there have two choices rn. Dig in their heels on meaningless twitter bullshit. Or write articles like "how to video chat with your favorite bodenga cat"

So we're all just gonna pretend that we know what zoom is now? Ok.

I got Brooklyn 9 years ago today

Something something millenial socialist something something Eugene V. *Dabs*

I think the most succinct way to describe my whole deal would be "I have signed three autographs"

The tusky app is just mastodon on mobile now.