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levampyre

@lolonurse Oh, this is terrible. I would support my wife, not divorce her. @tillybridges

24 Nov 2023 at 17:26 | Wall-to-wall | Open on chaos.social
13 comments
Tilly Bridges

@levampyre @lolonurse sadly it's incredibly common for trans people. it's much rarer that a spouse or significant other stays with us during and after transition.

24 Nov 2023 at 17:52 | Open on mastodon.social
levampyre

@tillybridges I know. Too familiar with the sad reality of trans lives. ✊ :trans_flag:
@lolonurse

24 Nov 2023 at 17:56 | Open on chaos.social
lolonurse
levampyre

@lolonurse Well, I wish everyone had such a loving, self-secure and trusting relationship that they didn't have to lie to each other about these things. You should not have to have such secrets, nor such unwritten, normative expectations from the people you love. The world would be a much better place. @tillybridges

24 Nov 2023 at 23:53 | Open on chaos.social
lolonurse

@levampyre @tillybridges
Such a very complex situation. Some people take personally, the fact that they've been "lied to" for all those years. Some are able to get past the shock and just love the person, even if they're an octopus. Some are OK with being best friends & spouses, some are more provincial and conservative than they thought they were...

24 Nov 2023 at 23:27 | Open on ohai.social
Tilly Bridges

@lolonurse @levampyre yeah but they weren’t being lied to. that’s Cis Grief in action and it has nothing to do with us. we trans people are the ones who were actually lied to, by society and everyone around us who told us we were, and had to be, something that we’re not.

docs.google.com/document/d/e/2

24 Nov 2023 at 23:31 | Open on mastodon.social
lolonurse

@tillybridges @levampyre
I definitely understand that you have negative feelings about society at large, & individual people. I think it isn't contradictory to acknowledge that someone who met & married & had children with someone, & lived their life for 15 years with them, might feel shocked to learn their spouse is not the person they portrayed themselves to be. That doesn't negate the trans person's issues- each is entitled to what they feel.

25 Nov 2023 at 0:12 | Open on ohai.social
Tilly Bridges

@levampyre @lolonurse you’re approaching it from a cis pov, one that centers the cis person and not the trans one. if someone discovered they had any other medical condition, would you be mad at them for previously portraying themselves as someone without it? why is this different? The answer is transphobia, and THAT is what can make it take decades to realize. we don’t need cis apologists.

25 Nov 2023 at 0:16 | Open on mastodon.social
lolonurse

@tillybridges @levampyre
In this particular instance, my friend, who I've known 55 years & love deeply, knew since she was 7 or 8, but never said a word. She lived almost 40 years of her life as a fairly macho man. I am not looking at is from a cis pov. I'm looking at what my friend went through before deciding to become who she really always has been. I'm looking with love, respect, awe.

25 Nov 2023 at 0:39 | Open on ohai.social
levampyre

@lolonurse If my significant other had a known medical condition and they only tell me after 40 years, I would question my relationship, too. And I would question myself: What have I done wrong that my love felt unable to confide in me?

I mean, the wife divorcing your friend after coming out is all we need to know to answer the question of why your friend didn't come out to her for 40 years. It's just sad on so many levels. @tillybridges

25 Nov 2023 at 1:04 | Open on chaos.social
Tilly Bridges

@levampyre @lolonurse this is what happens when we live in a society that is horribly transphobic. EVERY aspect of it does everything it can to force us to ignore, suppress, and deny the truth of who we are. and we risk losing it all when we come out. and the only way that will ever change is when cis people decide to change it, because there aren’t enough trans people to affect that change on our own.

25 Nov 2023 at 1:48 | Open on mastodon.social
levampyre

@tillybridges Exactly. I'm standing with you as a cis person.
@lolonurse

25 Nov 2023 at 8:16 | Open on chaos.social
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