Gregory's Server@tillybridges
A 55-year-friend who is trans, lived "dutifully" for 40 years as a man, married with kids. She finally told her wife, who divorced her, & her parents disowned her. Her brothers struggled for some years, but finally accepted her. She is happy & living her life with zest. It's a joy to see.
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23 comments
@badken @tillybridges @lolonurse @tillybridges Sure, but the whole family situation must have sucked. Glad that’s all behind her. @badken @lolonurse not to mention that living with dysphoria is, in fact, painful and torturous @tillybridges @badken @lolonurse @badken the pain of gender dysphoria has nothing to do with pain from surgeries @badken @tillybridges @lolonurse whereas i lived as an assumed girl/woman for 45 years, during which time i earned a BSc(Hons), a PhD, tenure, some prizes, etc, and then i transitioned. what those of us who are older had to do in our first incarnation wasn’t merely a choice, it was actually determined by the local level of societal cissexism/transphobia. e.g. there were zero services for trans children, youth, or young adults where i grew up.  @levampyre @lolonurse sadly it's incredibly common for trans people. it's much rarer that a spouse or significant other stays with us during and after transition. @tillybridges I know. Too familiar with the sad reality of trans lives. ✊ :trans_flag: @lolonurse Well, I wish everyone had such a loving, self-secure and trusting relationship that they didn't have to lie to each other about these things. You should not have to have such secrets, nor such unwritten, normative expectations from the people you love. The world would be a much better place. @tillybridges @levampyre @tillybridges @lolonurse @levampyre yeah but they weren’t being lied to. that’s Cis Grief in action and it has nothing to do with us. we trans people are the ones who were actually lied to, by society and everyone around us who told us we were, and had to be, something that we’re not. @tillybridges @levampyre @levampyre @lolonurse you’re approaching it from a cis pov, one that centers the cis person and not the trans one. if someone discovered they had any other medical condition, would you be mad at them for previously portraying themselves as someone without it? why is this different? The answer is transphobia, and THAT is what can make it take decades to realize. we don’t need cis apologists. @tillybridges @levampyre @lolonurse If my significant other had a known medical condition and they only tell me after 40 years, I would question my relationship, too. And I would question myself: What have I done wrong that my love felt unable to confide in me? I mean, the wife divorcing your friend after coming out is all we need to know to answer the question of why your friend didn't come out to her for 40 years. It's just sad on so many levels. @tillybridges @levampyre @lolonurse this is what happens when we live in a society that is horribly transphobic. EVERY aspect of it does everything it can to force us to ignore, suppress, and deny the truth of who we are. and we risk losing it all when we come out. and the only way that will ever change is when cis people decide to change it, because there aren’t enough trans people to affect that change on our own. |
@lolonurse @tillybridges I love a happy ending. I hate that so much intolerance had to be endured before it.