Figured out the two things that were making Ubuntu 20 slow for me.
1: It installed with 1GB of swap space. This is comically low for a machine with 16GB of RAM. Increased it to 16GB and that helped a lot. But my GUI was still really slow, at which point I realized
2: I had "fractional scaling" enabled for one of my displays. I turned it off and suddenly everything is butter-smooth. It means I have to run my high-DPI screen at a lower resolution but I'll take it.
@darius i would've thought that swap is only used to hibernate or crashdump to?
but, uh, i don't actually know enough about Linux VM or it's crashing and dumping mechanisms enough
so, feel free to ignore me when you don't know anything either