after an hour of technical investigation, i can only conclude that at LEAST one of the following is true
1) the internet is bad
2) my ISP is bad
3) my internet connection is bad
4) my router is bad
5) my network adapter is bad
6) my computer is bad
7) I'm bad
something i've noticed recently is that *applications* these days don't deal well with very slow internet connections or switches between connections. e.g. on safari on iOS, you can type in a web address laboriously using the onscreen keyboard, hit "go" and then, the page tries to load, but never loads because it can't resolve the hostname or whatever as your connection is down. so you hit "refresh" to try to reload the page, and the contents of the URL bar vanish! you have to type it all again!