So I tried this and now my monitor is dripping blood.
I tried rebooting and that didn't help. Neither did deleting Docker, wiping the disk and reinstalling, grinding all of my computers to a fine ash and burying it at a crossroads, then changing my name and starting life anew in a different country.
@suetanvil @ff0000 @technomancy you just have to use the Mac M1 architecture binaries. Snappy, and no torrents of blood.